We heard from our daughter today!

If you are reading this you probably know us well enough to know that we do not have a daughter.  Or at least we have never given birth to a daughter or legally adopted one.  But we have had a daughter of our heart for about 13 years now.

B only lived in our home for a short time.  I picked her up late one evening as emergency respite.  She was in respite already because she had lived through more (sorry, but there is no other word to describe it) "hell" than anyone should ever live through, let alone a young girl.

Bleeding Hearts - oh how we could relate!

During the weeks B was with us she went to school, went to church with us, wheelchair raced with Jerry, went to the park with us, and did stuff that "normal families" do.  In that period of time she entwined her hurting, damaged life deep into our hearts.  We shed more tears than we ever knew possible, and came to love her more deeply than we knew possible.

She left our home for treatment at an inpatient behavioral health facility.  B didn't know how to respond or interact with "normal."  We visited regularly; some days she would see us, some days not.  She celebrated her 13th birthday there and we visited with gifts.

While she was hospitalized we began building an additional room into our house so we would be able to bring her home for long term foster care with the goal of adoption. But that was not to be.   At this point I can't honestly remember the exact order of events, because she came and went from our home a few times over the period of a year or so.  While her physical presence left and we had to learn how to cope with that, B never left our hearts or prayers.

A couple times over the years we would get a random phone call from her (with every child who stayed with us for respite care we always tucked notes in their suitcase with our phone number letting them know that they could always call us - those kids needed to know SOMEBODY cared!).  Each call always began the same way as the email we received tonight, "I don't know if you remember me, but I lived with you for a time . . . "

I always want to respond, "Of course we remember you - you are the daughter of our heart!"  But I don't.

Tonight's email was particularly sweet.  B updated us on her life - we are proud of the good choices she is making, and the efforts she is taking to build her life.  Beyond that B apologized for her actions and anger when she was with us.  She shared that she has never forgotten us and asked about each of us (Nathan lived with us then too).  B also thanked us for all we did for her, acknowledging her birthday and other specifics.

What a precious gift that message was to us tonight.  We are just thrilled to hear from her and to know that despite her difficult start in life she is making some positive choices.  We are also encouraged and blessed to know that God used what little we had to share at that time in our life to make an impact in her life.

We don't know if B will maintain contact with us from this point forward or not.  But it's not about us.  We'll keep praying for her and as God and she give us opportunity we'll celebrate life with her . . .  perhaps even her 27th birthday next week?

Friends who are still reading this . . .  "Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,
    when it is in your power to act."  Proverb 3:27

And NEVER EVER give up hope or stop praying. We never know when or how God will use something - maybe even from long ago to help someone else.  Truly His ways are not our ways - Blessed be the name of the Lord!

Deny you Lord? Not Me!

I recently finished reading through the Gospel of Mark, but am still working through some of the insights I gained.  For instance, in reading the passages detailing Jesus' last days before He died I read again of Peter's denial, three times over, that he did not know Jesus.

As I read I ask the question - "What do you have for me in this God?"  The most obvious answer was - how would I respond if I were in Peter's shoes?  The quick and easy answer is, I would not deny Christ, He is my Lord and Savior.  But then again, that's what Peter said too when he was told that before the rooster crowed twice he would deny Jesus three times.

Moving beyond the quick and easy (at least to say) answer;  the question burrows a little deeper into my thoughts and soul - in my everyday life how do I deny my Lord?

• When I think "just this once" won't matter . . . I deny the His holiness in my life. 
• When I think He's so busy with everyone and everything else in the world I don't need to bother him with this need or concern - I can handle it; I deny His Lordship.  
• When I put my needs ahead of my others - I deny His example and admonition to follow it.
• When I ask "why Lord?" either for me or someone else I deny His sovereignty.
• When I think I accomplished something on my own I deny His power and deny Him the glory due only to Him.
• When I won't forgive or accept forgiveness offered to me I deny His gifts of forgiveness, mercy and grace.
• When I think or talk badly about myself to myself I deny His creativity - the way He knit me together (and at that point my should doesn't know it well!  See Psalm 139)
• When I care more about what someone may think of me than their relationship with Jesus I deny His saving grace,  power and pre-eminence.

These are just a few of the ways . . .  you don't need or want to her the litany of my sins, but I need to step back and go a little deeper than my first "easy" response.  Lord teach me more and more from your Word and heighten my responses to You!

Thoughts on the Eve

Here I am on the eve of starting a new year of life.  I used to say that I was born to be older.  I was never one who was bothered to approach or celebrate "milestone birthdays."  I thought it was great to turn 21, 30, 40, and even 50 was good.  Now that I am well into the 50's I find myself not anticipating "older" as much as I used to.  

Don't get me wrong, I do not have a wish to stop aging.  I am grateful for every day I wake up and have breath and strength to function.  In honor of this milestone I reach tomorrow, here are 5 1/2 lessons I've learned (or am still learning) in life:

1)  I am prone to say yes too often, and take on more than I realistically can accomplish and still stay sane.  "No" is an appropriate answer at times.  In fact, saying yes to something automatically means I am saying no to something else.  So I need to choose wisely.

2)  There really is pleasure in the "simple things" of life.  I found myself today just enjoying watching the birds play in our front yard and bushes.  Other sources of joy - changing color of leaves, the sound of rain, crashing waves, the smell of fresh cut grass, the variegated color of the mum sitting on my table and more . . . 

3)  It's ok to ask for help.  That's a significant part of healthy self care.  

4)   I am one blessed woman - to be part of my family of birth and my family by marriage, to do work that is in line with my passions, to have friends, to own a home that meets our needs, and most of all to be infinitely loved by God and to experience His love through my "Jr Shepherd" Jerry!

5)  Traveling adds a richness to life.  Meeting and seeing people from other communities and cultures (both in the US and around the world) brings a broader perspective and appreciation to life.  

5 1/2)  "Grace is a wonderful concept; I really hope it catches on some day."  This is 5 1/2 for two reasons - it's not my quote - it is one of Jerry's.  And this is a lesson I surely have not fully learned yet but am a work in progress.  

So there you have it - certainly not all the lessons I've learned, or need to learn - but the ones I am thinking of tonight.  Would love to hear some of your life lessons!

This Man

Yes, National Coffee Day was a great reason to celebrate on Monday, and then there's Columbus Day coming up, and the World Series, and all kinds of reasons we can find to celebrate - but today, yes today October 1 I have THE BEST reason of all to celebrate - it's the day Jerry Borton made his entry into this big beautiful world, ## years ago!  (I'll let him divulge the number, but let's just say he's past getting an AARP card, and is beginning to qualify for some age related discounts and can put his name into certain living facilities!)

While I realize I may be biased, I am convinced that God did some of His most exceptional work when He created Jerry!  I mean take a look at some of these pics over the years!

Jerry and I sometimes laugh about "the village" it took to raise him.  When we were engaged it seemed that every person I met told me how they had helped care for him at some point in his life.  I am SO THANKFUL for all those people who invested in this man's life and helped to develop him into the man he is today!  Most of all I am grateful as I hear the stories of his Mom, Dad, and siblings Karen and Eric (and the extended family) who both put up with and loved so well this boy who his mom described as "being born with a suitcase in his hand - ready to move on!").

Some of the stories I enjoy . . . 

• Jerry went to half day Kindergartner and passed to first grade.  On the opening day of first grade his Mom picked him up at lunch and brought him home.  When Jerry asked when he was going back to school his Mom told him "they" thought a full day may be too much so were going to try half days.  He suggested they try full days - Mom packed him up and took him back to school and Jerry has been a student and scholar, and ADVOCATE ever since!
• How he coached (from his wheelchair) the youngest little league team with the worst record and over a couple years took them to first place!
• Driving lessons - let's just say don't tell Jerry to turn here if you don't mean RIGHT here, not at the next road!



Don't let the powder blue
leisure suit or afro fool you!



Yes - he can grow the whiskers!

• Going to college in a MANUAL wheelchair at a college on one of the 7 hills in the city of Cincinnati - with the dorms at the bottom of the hill and the classrooms and dining hall at the top!

Oh dear, I am afraid once I get started it will be hard to stop  . . . . so allow me to fast forward to the present.  

Not only did he make a great catch here
but I made an even better catch in him!

Jerry and his first wife - oh wait, we were
already married; I guess this is the one
that doesn't talk back!

 Now if you know anything about Jerry you know he LOVES baseball.   And he will do almost anything to get a laugh!




Those are two of the many reasons I love Jerry, but here are a few more. . .

• he really loves and cares for his friends.  Sometimes when I feel slighted by someone and want to give up on them he asks "how many friends can you afford to loose?"
• he's a risk taker - after all he married me and moved to both coasts for and with me!  But even more he doesn't let the fact that something is hard stand in the way of accomplishing it.
• family is important to him.  He knows he doesn't stay connected with everyone as we would like (he is an introvert after all) but he prays for you all regularly and loves you.
• he invites feedback about his character or attitude and takes it seriously, aiming to keep growing and improving himself
• he has his priorities straight - even when he just arrived at work an hour ago he leaves to go to the grocery store to get me what I need (which is a big undertaking for him) when I am sick rather than ask someone else- because he wants to take care of me!
• he prays with and for me.  One of my favorite parts of marriage is storming the gates of heaven together.  
• he has amazing hands - I love them!                                           
  
• he helps me sort out the urgent from the important
• he surprises me time and again (in oh so many ways!!!)
• he embodies Jesus to me.  Jerry knows me for who I really am and he STILL loves me - Astounding!

For now . . .  Happy Birthday Jerry Lee Borton!  I look forward to celebrating today and every day God gives us together.  Thank you God for your excellent work in creating this man and for the wonderful family you placed him in to grow.  Thank you that you've entrusted me to walk these last 19 years (and please God many, many more) with him.

This is the Simple Life

Yesterday I repeatedly heard the phrase,"a simple life."  This morning I woke up ruminating on those words and wondered what would a simple life look like for me?  My mind began to think about limiting multi tasking, reducing the amount of electronic distraction, etc.  

As I sat down with my coffee, yogurt and Bible I asked God to show me what it means to live a simple life.  I opened my Bible to Mark 12 to pick up where I left off yesterday.  Here is what I read (italics added by me):

28 One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”

29 “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

I don't know that I've ever had God answer my question so quickly and directly.  A simple life:  Love God; Love Others!

Love God with:

All My Heart - my passions, my emotions

All My Soul - my innermost being, the very essence of who I am

All My Mind - my thoughts, my intellect, my reason

All My Strength - my physical being, my every movement

I was telling Jerry about this, and then we went to church.  As the message began this passage from Matthew 22 was on the screen (again, italics added by me):

34 Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. 35 One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: 36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

So thankful for all this man
has taught me about loving
God and loving others!

Jerry looked at me, and we smiled - I'm thinking God wanted to be sure I heard the answer . . . loud and clear!

Reflections

Stephen

Today I joined with about 200 other people to celebrate the life of my friend Stephen.  Stephen's mom shared that when he was born nearly 31 years ago she was afraid and didn't know what to do or how to parent a child with his disabilities.  It is appalling to hear things the Doctors said to them, just a short 31 years ago.  But praise God she and her husband joined forces to raise Stephen, along with their two daughters.  Through the journey they found their source of strength, hope and joy in Jesus.  In the 12 or so years I've known the family (and from hearing others it goes back longer than that) his Mom and Dad are perhaps the most accepting, loving and humble people I've ever known.  Every memory I have of Stephen, and most of those recounted by those who shared, are of his never ending smile, his zest for life, his positive attitude (one of Jerry's favorite stories is his family trying to teach him the word "bad" and he wouldn't say it - he would only answer "good" when asked how he was!), his attitude of gratitude, and his joy of throwing kisses to every woman he encountered!  

Stephen was not a man of many words, but the words he spoke, and the way in which he loved and encouraged people impacted more lives than many who supposedly have more skills, abilities and education.  

Celebrating Stephen's life brought back memories of some of my other friends who were born with developmental disabilities or cognitive impairments.  

Charlie

I think of Charlie, whom I had the joy of being his "houseparent" when I was just in my early 20's,  Charlie was in his mid to late 40's at that point.  I still smile thinking about the times we'd be out at a store and Charlie would want to show me something.  He knew lots of people, but didn't have a great memory for names.  So most often he'd call me "Mom."  The looks we got were priceless as people saw a 40 year old black man calling a 20 year old white girl mom!  But even more I remember Charlie for his profound wisdom.  I wish I had written down the "Charlie-isms" I heard over the years.  I can't share a specific one, but Charlie had a way of weaving his words, to say something so poignant that cut through all the fluff and went right to the heart of the matter.  I have no doubt that on more than one occasion he spoke straight from the heart of God to me.  We were living on the other side of the country when I got the word that Charlie had died. I felt like my heart had broken.  Jerry looked at our budget every way possible to try to get me back to his service, but it just wasn't to be.  

Leroy (giving me a back rub on a camping trip)

Then there was Leroy, what a goofball (and I mean that in the most endearing way!).  Race cars, motorcycles, dirt bikes, cowboys and anything rough and tumble brought Leroy such joy, though the heart condition he had meant that he watched them more than partaking.  Leroy idolized my best friend's husband.  They lived in southern CA, and we lived in northern CA (I was also Leroy's "houseparent.")  One time I took him with me on a trip to visit them.  Leroy and Bruce went out to the desert to dirt bike while Susan and I enjoyed a girls visit.  You would have thought Leroy had received "the trip of a lifetime", and maybe he had - though he also enjoyed the camping trips we all did, and vacations to Hawaii, Colorado, Lake Tahoe.  Leroy was one of the ushers at our wedding.  I remember that he was so thrilled to walk the first pretty lady down the aisle on his arm and then proceeded to sit down with her.  He was surprised when someone went to get him and told him he didn't get to sit yet - he had more pretty ladies to walk down the aisle!  

Oh, now that I've gotten started talking about my friends, I could keep sharing stories of Lee, Allen, Robert, Bill, Nam Sun, Randee, Diane, Barbara, Dorothy, and on and on . . . . maybe they'll be future posts.  

With all these friends, and so many more, we did life together . . . day in and day out . . . that's what made it so memorable.  They knew the good and bad of me and loved and accepted me anyway; as I did them.

I juxtapose the celebration of Stephen today and the memories of these friends, with a news story a friend shared with me this weekend.   Read the story here.  In short, a teenager with similar disabilities to many of my friends was found wandering the streets in Washington state.  When the police contacted his family they "were not interested in taking him in."  Really?  I know I don't know the full story, and yes - life is HARD when disability enters the picture, so I need to be careful about judging; and focus my energies on praying for him and his family, and be grateful for those who are trying to help him.  

If you are someone caring for a person with a disability; thank you!  Your investment in their life, and the example you set for the rest of us cannot be overstated.  If you are not caring for someone with a disability, but know someone else who is - walk their journey with them please . . . you may make the difference in a family being able to continue their journey together; and likely you will be changed forever!

A few of the amazing Moms I know who are raising incredible kids!

Who Do I Ask?

This morning in Mark chapter 8 I read this:

14 The disciples had forgotten to bring bread, except for one loaf they had with them in the boat. 15 “Be careful,” Jesus warned them. “Watch out for the yeast of the Pharisees and that of Herod.”

16 They discussed this with one another and said, “It is because we have no bread.”

17 Aware of their discussion, Jesus asked them: “Why are you talking about having no bread? Do you still not see or understand? Are your hearts hardened? 18 Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don’t you remember? 19 When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?”

“Twelve,” they replied.

20 “And when I broke the seven loaves for the four thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?”

They answered, “Seven.”

21 He said to them, “Do you still not understand?”

I couldn't help but think how much I am like the disciples (when in fact I am called to imitate Jesus, not them),  How often have I heard or read a word from God and instead of asking for the One who spoke it to clarify it for me, I turn to others to ask (verse 16).  And  often like the disciples, I miss the right answer by doing this.

Some commentators say that the disciples were really trying to figure out which one of them they could blame for not bringing bread.  Even if that is what they were doing rather than carrying what Jesus said, I can still identify.  There are times I miss the point of what I've heard from the Lord only to divert to another topic to take the heat off of me needing to respond.