Our First Thanksgiving

 In 1995 Thanksgiving was on November 23;  twelve days after we got married, and four days after we returned from our honeymoon.  We didn't accept any invitations, we just wanted to have our first Thanksgiving alone and together.

As I've done for every year of my adult life except maybe two, I got up early that day made the stuffing, prepped and cooked the turkey, the potatoes, vegetables, etc.   I set the table with our china (our first time to use it).  I helped Jerry get up and ready, and together we sat down to our first Thanksgiving together.  

Jerry led us in prayer and then we began to serve dinner. . .  and I began to cry . . . .

Remember we were married all of 12 days at this time and Jerry was a rookie at figuring out what tears meant (and usually thinking he was the cause).  Full of grace, concern and probably a good amount of trepidation he asked, "What's wrong?"  and through the tears I replied, "I don't feel well."

As we recall the details now I think I woke up not feeling well.  Perhaps I had a touch of a virus, but more likely exhaustion from the whirlwind weeks preceding.  But I didn't want to not cook Thanksgiving for my husband.  So I stuffed (Thanksgiving pun intended) my feelings down and cooked away.  Once I sat down to dinner I could hide it no more.  

So our first Thanksgiving was spent with me leaving the table and going to bed and Jerry enjoying (so he told me) the dinner totally alone.  Happy Thanksgiving to us!

I recall after he ate we discussed what to do now since there were lots of leftovers to put away, china dishes not to break and Jerry.  Ultimately we decided Jerry would call Janene, a then high schooler who was the daughter of good friends.  After she helped her Mom clean up their own dinner (I am sure) she graciously came over and put away our food and washed our dishes.  What a blessing she was (and not only because of that situation - but many others!).

Almost every Thanksgiving we reminisce about this story.  It particularly strikes home this year as I have an upper respiratory infection and finally had to agree to relinquish to my sister the idea of cooking and hosting dinner.  The festivities were moved to her house.  But don't feel sorry for me - we'll get a delivery of Thanksgiving dinner this afternoon.  This may be the best of both worlds - we get the meal with no prep or clean up required!

I told Jerry yesterday that if the trend continues that every 19 years I get sick at Thanksgiving we better mark the calendar to set up plan B for Thanksgiving 2033! 

November 2033
	Su	Mo	Tu	We	Th	Fr	Sa
	30	31	1	2	3	4	5
	6	7	8	9	10	11	12
	13	14	15	16	17	18	19
	20	21	22	23	24	25	26
	27	28	29	30

Happy Thanksgiving to all!  Enjoy your turkey and all your other favorites, but even more enjoy the people you are with and most of all the blessings that come direct from the hand of God!

What'd You Get Me?

Jerry and I have most of our "gift giving occasions" between October - December.  That is the timeframe of both of our birthdays, our anniversary and of course - Christmas.  The following post was written late in December several years ago, but the truth of it remains in my heart and mind  - especially as we are in this season.  I am still working on applying it's lesson, so decided to go with a retro post!

My husband and I have this game that we play around birthdays, Christmas or any other gift giving occasions.  It goes like this, “So what did you get me?”  Sometimes it’s said once in passing, sometimes it’s repeated over and over in rapid succession to try to wear the giver down to sharing some clue.  Yes, I know this sounds rather childish for two well into middle aged adults to engage in, but I think it’s one of the casualty’s of not having children – we sometimes have to play that role in the family ourselves.

Well anyway, there I was on the morning of December 23^rd having a delightful Quiet Time with my Lord.  I had finished my reading and my pondering, and in fact was just about to put down the pen after recording the last word in my journal for the day when I heard it . . .

“So what did you get me?” 

I paused and listened to the voice – but it wasn’t that of my husband.  It was my other beloved’s voice – Jesus!  As I tuned in on His voice I heard, “It’s my birthday soon you know, I’ve seen the gifts you’ve gotten for everyone else, what did you get for me?” 

When I shared this with my husband his response was “Isn’t that just like God to speak to us in our own game and language?”

So for the remainder of that day, and periods of the next several days I spent time pondering what I would give Jesus for his birthday – or , really the better question was – had I planned to give Him anything for his birthday?  If I hadn’t why not?  And if I was, it was getting late, so I better decide quickly. 

What do you get the Lord of the Universe, who has everything and can create anything else He thinks of?!

The only response I could think of was “to obey is better than sacrifice.”  I think what Jesus was asking for was more of me – all of me in fact.  To not spend time trying to figure out something new, or find a new way to give of myself to Him – but to “just do it!”  To give of myself and obey what He has already taught and shown me. 

Funny - a couple years later, I think this is still the gift He wants and I need to give!

So Much More than Chocolate!

What do I write when I feel like the experiences of late are just a little too sacred to write in detail about?  Yet I want to write . . .   I feel like I've had opportunity to see just a few of the threads in the weaving of my life.  (Click here to read the poem this statement referenced by Corrie ten Boom).    

There is a bit of irony in being here at the Hershey Lodge for a few days, which has as one of it's slogans, "The Sweetest Place on Earth."  Yes - there are many "sweet offerings" here but none that compare to the sweetness of reuniting with someone we had not seen in 14 years.  To share a hug that communicates more than words ever could.  To share a bit of our lives since that time and wonder and dream how we will grow together from here.  To see seeds sown through tears sprouting up with shoots of new healthy growth.  That is so very much sweeter than the richest and most decadent offering Hershey can make.  

There is sweetness too in not necessarily doing anything - but just walking or sitting with the man who knows and loves me so deeply that simply being together in front of the fire is enough.  This my friends is the definition of contentment!

Jerry learns from Milton Hershey on a previous trip.

In addition to the "sweet thoughts" that come with being in Hershey comes thoughts of Milton Hershey's life.  Here is man who never had any children, yet has impacted the lives of countless children and adults through his school, the medical center, the chocolate related enterprises, etc.  The school, while started for boys, is now coed.  This morning I heard a houseparent talk about how she grew up at the school and now lives and work there to show kids a model of marriage and family life.  Again, an interesting place to be when we reconnected with someone for whom we tried to be that type of role model.  

Thank you God for the many flavors of sweetness that flow so richly through our lives.  Open my eyes and heart to taste and see that You Are Good!  Psalm 34:8

Captured!

I was one of the millions of people who breathed a sigh of gratefulness and relief when I heard that the manhunt that had gone on for seven weeks just a little to the north of us came to a safe conclusion.  In part I was thankful because I have many friends who live in that area, and it is where our beloved Spruce Lake (our Family Retreat site) is located.

It wasn't long after that feeling of rejoicing that sadness and questioning came.  Within moments of the news of the capture posts were abounding on Facebook, Twitter, the news media, etc.  It got me thinking about all the time, energy and money (rightfully so) that went into this manhunt and made me think about how much time, energy and money do I put into seeking out those who are lost from God and need to be captured by His great love?  Or do I rejoice as quickly and as heartily when someone is captured by the lover of their soul - Jesus?

Caregiver Day of Pampering

Saturday, for the 10th year in a row on the first Saturday of November (actually 9 years in Nov; the first year was in December) I was at Calvary Church for our shared Caregiver Day of Pampering.  It's a day of laughter, hugs, joy and tears.

If you haven't heard me talk about this day before - where have you been?  But seriously, we invite women who provide care for a family member (usually a child or spouse) to come for a day of encouragement and refreshment.

The day starts with valet parking, and (on days it is not pouring rain, like Saturday was) a team of people vacuum their cars and clean the windows.  While that is being done the ladies enjoy a morning of "sweet" fellowship (coffee, treats, chocolate, music, games and a message).  The morning wraps up with door prizes being given out before they move on to lunch we serve.  After lunch they spend the afternoon at our "spa."  The 300 level of the church is turned into a spa with manicures, brow waxing, makeup artists, hair stylists, henna artist, massage therapists, foot massage, paraffin hand waxes and to top it all off - a boutique they can shop in use the "Grace Notes" they were given upon arrival.  When they are done in the spa the church opens the Care Closet to them to take 2 bags of clothing for their families and then they also get a gift upon departure along with a rose paid for by the men of Calvary Church and Joni and Friends who want them to know though their labor of love may often  go unnoticed they want to say thank you!

The amazing part is that they receive all of this for FREE!  I am so grateful for 170 plus volunteers who serve these 121 ladies!  Volunteers made and served food, set the room up, greeted and hosted the ladies, pampered them and so much more!  I LOVE to see how God burns this ministry into different hearts and the unique ways they serve.

One man thought the little mirrors we had at the hair and ma
keup station could be improved.  Over the last couple years he has made it his mission to buy (without asking for reimbursement) any and every mirror that is framed he can find that is about 3 feet wide by 4 feet high.  I think our count is up to 12 - he brings them in each year and cleans them before setting them up, and then at the end of the day takes them home to store them for the year.  Thank you God for Ken, King of the Mirrors!

Cathy heard a Caregiver  say once that she never got a chance to sit and read a magazine.  So now Cathy collects magazines throughout the year and the night before the ladies come places them around all the seating areas in the spa.

Christina, who we lovingly call our "hair brain" is a hair stylist and also the point person for all who serve in the hair area.  Christina takes this week off from work each year as vacation so she can have this Saturday off from the salon to serve these ladies.  THAT is dedication!

Emily and her team run our "boutique".  You would think you stepped into a trendy shop when you see the items they "sell".  Theirs is a year round mission to find "good deals" using any discounts and Kohls cash they can find and sharing the idea with those who can help fund the boutique.  The ladies swarm the boutique as soon as it opens!

And why do they and scores of others do this?  Because of these kinds of comments we hear:

• I will never forget this very special, wonderful day. I am forever grateful. I cried many tears of thanksgiving.

• Thank you so much for organizing such a wonderful event. I was overwhelmed by the kindness I was shown and all the caring volunteers. I am only a few years into my journey caring for a disabled person. And most days are pretty routine. But something that does affect us is the cost,  I rarely can afford a haircut or new clothes for myself, let alone all the other spa things that I received on Saturday. It was an incredible blessing to receive those things, and I am happily wearing my new scarf from the boutique at work today! God bless you and the work you do. I very much appreciate your time and effort.

For me what I enjoy most are the 1:1 interactions I get to have with the ladies.  I love seeing so many year, after year, after year.  They have become my friends and heroes.  This year we had many new ladies join us too.  What fun to meet them, hear their stories and begin journeying together with them.   Some of the stories I hear are fun, some bring me to laughter, some are sweet, and some are very raw and painful.  I don't have all the answers for these situations, in fact I have very few.  But the answer I do have is the BEST there is . . . we pamper these Caregivers as a small taste of the way the Ultimate Caregiver (thanks to Peter Rosenberger for this picture) cares for each of us - His wounded bride.

We heard from our daughter today!

If you are reading this you probably know us well enough to know that we do not have a daughter.  Or at least we have never given birth to a daughter or legally adopted one.  But we have had a daughter of our heart for about 13 years now.

B only lived in our home for a short time.  I picked her up late one evening as emergency respite.  She was in respite already because she had lived through more (sorry, but there is no other word to describe it) "hell" than anyone should ever live through, let alone a young girl.

Bleeding Hearts - oh how we could relate!

During the weeks B was with us she went to school, went to church with us, wheelchair raced with Jerry, went to the park with us, and did stuff that "normal families" do.  In that period of time she entwined her hurting, damaged life deep into our hearts.  We shed more tears than we ever knew possible, and came to love her more deeply than we knew possible.

She left our home for treatment at an inpatient behavioral health facility.  B didn't know how to respond or interact with "normal."  We visited regularly; some days she would see us, some days not.  She celebrated her 13th birthday there and we visited with gifts.

While she was hospitalized we began building an additional room into our house so we would be able to bring her home for long term foster care with the goal of adoption. But that was not to be.   At this point I can't honestly remember the exact order of events, because she came and went from our home a few times over the period of a year or so.  While her physical presence left and we had to learn how to cope with that, B never left our hearts or prayers.

A couple times over the years we would get a random phone call from her (with every child who stayed with us for respite care we always tucked notes in their suitcase with our phone number letting them know that they could always call us - those kids needed to know SOMEBODY cared!).  Each call always began the same way as the email we received tonight, "I don't know if you remember me, but I lived with you for a time . . . "

I always want to respond, "Of course we remember you - you are the daughter of our heart!"  But I don't.

Tonight's email was particularly sweet.  B updated us on her life - we are proud of the good choices she is making, and the efforts she is taking to build her life.  Beyond that B apologized for her actions and anger when she was with us.  She shared that she has never forgotten us and asked about each of us (Nathan lived with us then too).  B also thanked us for all we did for her, acknowledging her birthday and other specifics.

What a precious gift that message was to us tonight.  We are just thrilled to hear from her and to know that despite her difficult start in life she is making some positive choices.  We are also encouraged and blessed to know that God used what little we had to share at that time in our life to make an impact in her life.

We don't know if B will maintain contact with us from this point forward or not.  But it's not about us.  We'll keep praying for her and as God and she give us opportunity we'll celebrate life with her . . .  perhaps even her 27th birthday next week?

Friends who are still reading this . . .  "Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,
    when it is in your power to act."  Proverb 3:27

And NEVER EVER give up hope or stop praying. We never know when or how God will use something - maybe even from long ago to help someone else.  Truly His ways are not our ways - Blessed be the name of the Lord!

Deny you Lord? Not Me!

I recently finished reading through the Gospel of Mark, but am still working through some of the insights I gained.  For instance, in reading the passages detailing Jesus' last days before He died I read again of Peter's denial, three times over, that he did not know Jesus.

As I read I ask the question - "What do you have for me in this God?"  The most obvious answer was - how would I respond if I were in Peter's shoes?  The quick and easy answer is, I would not deny Christ, He is my Lord and Savior.  But then again, that's what Peter said too when he was told that before the rooster crowed twice he would deny Jesus three times.

Moving beyond the quick and easy (at least to say) answer;  the question burrows a little deeper into my thoughts and soul - in my everyday life how do I deny my Lord?

• When I think "just this once" won't matter . . . I deny the His holiness in my life. 
• When I think He's so busy with everyone and everything else in the world I don't need to bother him with this need or concern - I can handle it; I deny His Lordship.  
• When I put my needs ahead of my others - I deny His example and admonition to follow it.
• When I ask "why Lord?" either for me or someone else I deny His sovereignty.
• When I think I accomplished something on my own I deny His power and deny Him the glory due only to Him.
• When I won't forgive or accept forgiveness offered to me I deny His gifts of forgiveness, mercy and grace.
• When I think or talk badly about myself to myself I deny His creativity - the way He knit me together (and at that point my should doesn't know it well!  See Psalm 139)
• When I care more about what someone may think of me than their relationship with Jesus I deny His saving grace,  power and pre-eminence.

These are just a few of the ways . . .  you don't need or want to her the litany of my sins, but I need to step back and go a little deeper than my first "easy" response.  Lord teach me more and more from your Word and heighten my responses to You!