Thoughts on the Eve of Family Retreat

Here I am on the eve of my 45^th week at Spruce Lake, and my 50th week of Family Retreat with Joni and Friends.  How did that happen?  At the end of this summer I will have spent a full year of my life (52 weeks) at Family Retreat!

Being the 15th year in a row of driving to  Spruce Lake Retreat Center it's a bit like coming home; yet it's not really home.  I love the beauty of this place, and all that the Spruce Lake staff do to make us feel welcome and to serve us.  They are the best! Yet home is a place to kick back and relax; and that’s not something I do much of here.  In fact, each week is so very different and full of change.

One thing that always remains the same – this is spiritual battleground.  We are fighting to share the hope of Jesus with people who live some very challenging and stressful lives.  The enemy would love people to think that disability is a ball and chain and makes life hopeless.  But really, Family Retreat shows us just the opposite!  I know amazing things happen in the spiritual realms here because it is a battle EVERY TIME (yes all 50 weeks!) to get here, and to get here without leaving a trail behind us. 

Jen and Paige, some of my crazy co workers!

Almost without fail, Jerry and I have more conflict between us the week before Family Retreat than any other time.  Take this week for example; I think Jerry and I had 4 "miscommunications," one pretty significant.  We work through them, but for a time there is tension and challenge.  It's a reminder that as we come to serve, model and encourage families affected by disability, we have to be sure our lives are in the right place with God and one another.  It is so typical for us, and I hear it from other Family Retreat directors too, that the time leading up to camp is often very challenging for our marriages.    

Even throughout the weeks here we pour out so much that we have to be mindful to not let our exhaustion feed poor communication.  I remember one year on Thursday afternoon of the first two weeks of camp Jerry and I always had a pretty major disagreement.  Finally we went to one of the therapists serving with us and said, for week 3 we need an appointment with you on Thursday morning so we can avoid this mess - HA!  By making ourselves aware of the potential we were able to catch ourselves.  

One of the other hallmarks of Family Retreat – when you have an opportunity to catch some sleep – take it!  You never know when the next chance to rest may be.  So, since I have one of those opportunities sitting in front of me (yes, a comfy bed!) I am going to sign off, get some shuteye and prepare myself to welcome our Short Term Missionaries tomorrow as together we start on Mission Possible!!!!!!

Our theme for the week.  Thankfully the beginning part of the verse reminds us that it is WITH GOD that all things are possible; especially reconciliation with Him!

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things - and ALL in one 24 hour period!

Sunny days, cooler evenings
Time to just hang out with Jerry and laugh at "nothing" together
Swimming, and relaxing poolside 
Beautiful flowers
Yummy meals
Not feeling rushed
Friends - reconnecting with ones who know you well enough to walk in and say, "you have cereal in your pantry - why?  You don't like cereal!"
Friends - with whom you can have honest challenging and real conversations
Crossing items (and lots of them!) off my "to do list"
Smiling at the beauty of such a varied group of people God created!

There's nothing fancy on this list; nothing that will make me famous, or add to my bank account but certainly things that refresh and satisfy my soul.  And that, as the commercial says, is PRICELESS!

It's Been A While . . . .

So, it’s been a while.  I write so often in my heart and head, but seem to struggle with getting the time to put it to keyboard or paper.  I appreciate those of you who encourage me with your comments (mostly on Facebook or in person) to not stray too far from writing.  I am blessed and ministered to by your kind words.  They also spur me on to write. 

Since most of my readers are also friends on Facebook, you know that my recent weeks and months have been taken up with a great deal of change at the office (a move downstairs within the same building, and hiring and training a new Administrative Assistant).  It is absolutely amazing to us how difficult a move could be within the same building, at least when it comes to mail delivery.  We are the only tenant on the first floor, and we continue to use the same locked mailbox as we did when we were on the second floor.  It took multiple weeks and about five trips to the Post Office, by me, Jerry and our Landlord, and a couple trips for the postal supervisor to come see our set up to get our mail flowing again.  Oh yes, the conveniences that automation has brought to our lives!

These are just a few of my favorite people!

There have also been a lot of family connections happening.  I’ve been an airport shuttle driver for several in my sister’s family as they have traveled places near and far.  We have enjoyed (and I mean THOROUGHLY ENJOYED) visits with several of our nieces, got to meet our precious grandniece Valentine, cousins and Jerry’s family in Ohio.  How often I have wished that all my “favorite people” could live in a radius right around me – what delight that would be.  But then I realize by the time you would want to have all those dear to you gathered around you we’d end back up with this world and communities stretched throughout.  So I will cherish the time and opportunities we have to be together.

Last November I wrote about the amazing joy of reconnecting with a young woman who lived with us for a time, and from that reconnection gaining two “daughters of our heart.”  I haven’t written a lot about that  since then because the relationships we are building are so very precious, almost sacred in a way to me.  But trust me when I say that my heart is full of joy as we text, call, facebook and visit together.  I am a blessed woman to have these two young women in my life. 

A photo my Uncle recently uncovered of
my Grandmother and sister and me (I am on the left)

These weeks have also been a season of organization and taking the next steps with more of Mom’s keepsakes, photos and books.  She would often mention the bane of photos being digital because she could not pull them out and look at them anytime she wanted as she could after her film (or as she pronounced it fil-um) was developed.  Now we find ourselves on the other side of the fence wondering what do we do with the hundreds, yes even thousands of photos that are printed and in boxes and albums.  Ah, the challenges among generations doesn’t stop when life on earth does!

Thanks to those of you who voted for my submission entered in a recent writing contest.  I heard from several that the voting was not clear or easy.  I too found the same thing.  Sorry about that, I had no control in that area!  I did not make the final cut.  Earlier in the contest that possibility was sad.  I am totally at peace with it now.  I would like to improve my writing, and I may have gained some expertise in that had I won, but there are other ways to improve; one of which is just to do more.  I am working to make time to do that more regularly again.

In a funny turn of events, about the same time I knew I didn’t win the writing contest I got an email saying I was a winner of a clothing store gift certificate.  At first I thought it was a scam, but then realized I had entered a drawing when shopping online at this merchant.  It was fun to purchase a few new things that weren’t in my budget plans.  I guess the old saying is true, “you win a few, and you loose a few.”

At the risk of loosing the readers I have, I will stop rambling for this evening.  But before I close, here are a few thoughts I’m pondering and hope to write about soon, so please stay tuned! 

• ·      Building community in an age of social media and privacy laws
• ·      Realities of marriage when disability is involved
• ·      What the Bible says about “pondering”
• ·      First World Blessings
•     The addition of a Leap Second

In-Laws

I had the blessing of having a mother-in-law and father-in-law who I loved and enjoyed; I only wish we'd have had more years together.  They and my parents raised their families in different ways, yet with great love and desiring their children to know the Lord.

I know that not everyone has the experience of good in-laws, but there is something I just don't understand.  Both in person and through social media, too often do I hear people speaking poorly of their in-laws and complaining about how difficult they are.  

Here's what I don't get about that . . . how can the people who birthed and raised the man or woman you loved so much that you couldn't live without them (thus you got married) be so awful?  Didn't they have to do something right to raise such an amazing son or daughter as your spouse is?  How can you capitalize on that and build your relationship with them on that perspective?

Happy Mother's Day to my second Mom Eleanor.  Thank you for loving and accepting me.  I hope if you and my mom are visiting in Heaven you aren't trading too many stories about me - ha!!!!


*********************************************************************************For those of you who have already voted for me in the writing contest- THANK YOU!!!  If you haven't, would you take a moment to help me? I have submitted an entry in a writing contest.  Readers get to vote for those who will make the "first cut".  Votes are accepted through May 31.  You can vote for as many entries as you choose, but only one vote will be counted for each entry. Here is the link:  Read and Vote here.      Would you take a minute to read and then vote for me?  Thanks so much!  If you would like to share this link on your Facebook, or other social media to help me get more votes I'd be grateful!

How Much Is Enough?

Today was the first of two days of reorganization of our garage and closets.  Well, let me be clear, the job will not be finished in 2 days, but I hope to have made significant headway.  So far I have multiple bags of clothing and household items to take to the next thrift store donation day.  I found some things I didn't even know I had and had bought new of.  That is a clear sign that it is time to downsize our "stuff."

This makes for some interesting sights around the house.  Like a counter full of dolls, some with missing appendages.  Cleaning them up in case any of the little people in our lies would like them.  By the way I am counting down the days till our newest great niece and her Momma come to visit us at the end of the month!

This day has really made me ponder the question of "how much is enough?"  How many sets of sheets, or extra blankets do we really need?  How often do we use the "good silver" that is tucked away in a felt lined box?  Our house is decorated, so for what purpose am I saving a box of extra frames?  (By the way were not hoarders, this is just the stuff of life that accumulates after so many years of life and combining households.

Please don't misunderstnad, there is nothing inherently wrong with any of those things.  But sometimes it's good to wrestle with the answer of how much is enough?  And if I have more than enough what do I do with the excess?  Then is there any change I need to make to keep from letting extra build up again?


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Dear reader of my blog - could you take a moment to help me?  I have submitted an entry in a writing contest.  Readers get to vote for those who will make the "first cut".  Votes are accepted through May 31.  You can vote for as many entries as you choose, but only one vote will be counted for each entry. Here is the link:  Read and Vote here.      Would you take a minute to read
and then vote for me?  Thanks so much!

Philadelphia Tragedy: A Call to Action

Generally I work hard to write about topics that I feel passionate about but are not controversial.  In fact Jerry has often referred to me as "Switzerland" because I can tend to see and support both sides of a story.  Oh, don't get me wrong - it is not that I am unopinionated but I generally choose to not go public with those thoughts.  Fair warning though, this post may indeed generate some controversy.

I am sure that by now most of you have heard or read the story of the 21 year old non verbal young man with cerebral palsy who was abandoned by his mother for more than a week along Cobbs Creek Parkway in Philadelphia while she went to her visit her boyfriend.  This young man laid in the park for multiple days with only a blanket and a Bible.

The mother, who has been arrested and is currently hospitalized (reason unknown), has been berated by all who hear the story.  I have to agree that this is a horrendous situation.  I am grateful that this young man lived and is now being cared for by CHOP and other family members.  There really is no excuse for what the Mom did.  It is wrong to endanger her son's life in this way.

Now don't flog me; while I completely disagree with the actions of the Mom and cannot condone them on any level, I have some compassion for the woman and some understanding of what she may have been up against.  

Family Retreat provides a respite for Caregivers

Caregiving is hard!  It's constant and continual.  I know, I've been doing it full time about a year less than this Mom.  And gratefully the person I care for is verbal and independent with all but his personal care.  He also has attendant care that spells me off a few days a week.  Even so, caregiving is exhausting and relentless.  

Family Retreat gives Caregivers a break

While some may say she should have sought services to help, we are all aware of how difficult it is to get services through the social service agencies and governmental avenues.  If there is funding available the wait can very long, and often appropriate caregiving support is difficult to locate.  Again, this does not excuse what this Mom did.  Honestly what this story tells me is that I am in the right line of work!

The answer to the challenges of life with disability and caregiving is NOT more money or better services (though they may help).  The answer is Jesus Christ and His family.  The only hope we have is the hope that is greater than anything in this world, and carries us into eternity because life on this earth is not all there is .  While we are still in this world though, the answer includes those of us who call ourselves the Church (not any individual location, building or gathering but rather those who claim Jesus as Lord of life and want to live for Him) taking seriously the call Christ gives us to care for one another, to love one another and bear one another's burdens.  

This story reminds me that it's time for the Church to step it up.  I wonder if this story would have had a different ending if some people in the community who are Christians would have come along side this Mom and been there to encourage her, help care for her son and let her know there is a better way than abandonment?  

Again, I don't know that for sure - there are so many factors involved in every family and life.  But this story gives me a renewed sense of passion to go to work tomorrow and build the passion, capacity and burden within the Christian community to come alongside families affected by disability so this type of thing never ever happens again!

Moms Club is a safe place for
moms to share and find support

Wives share a break in Caregiving over tea

The Burden of my Purse

My purse . . . yes it's big, and usually heavy.  I think it comes from years of managing group homes and carrying "everything for everybody" when we traveled; or maybe that is just a convenient excuse.  Regardless, it is often a point of conversation with people I meet (especially my massage therapist and chiropractor - ha!).  And frankly, I get tired of carrying it.  So when I am out with Jerry I usually ask if I can put my purse on the back of his chair for him to carry.  And typically he responds with "as long as it matches my outfit!"

Besides giving my shoulder a bit of relief, it also makes it easier for Jerry and I to hold hands when we walk.  (Yes we are coming up on our 20th anniversary and still holding hands!)  You see, his right hand is on his wheelchair controls so only his left hand is available to hold while walking.  I typically carry my purse on my right shoulder, which then means it is banging into his arm, or sliding off mine while walking and hand holding. 

Now I am not asking for sympathy.  I share that with you to show you how God used that as a very practical spiritual application in my life recently.  

I was reading in Psalm 68.  Verse 19 says, "Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior who daily bears our burdens."  The devotional writer expounded on this by talking about how sometimes we let our burdens pile up and block our access to God.  She reminded how God WANTS to bear our burdens, and in exchange offers us mercy.  When I cast my burdens on God I draw closer to Him.  

I asked God to help me grasp this in such a way that I would not forget this lesson.  That's when He reminded me of the purse and walking with Jerry.  Whether it matches his outfit or not, Jerry is always willing to carry my purse for me.  He doesn't even realize that he is carrying any extra weight - it's not a big deal to him.  I am the one who benefits.  I am freed from the burden of a heavy awkward purse, and I get to draw closer to my husband, and connect with him again by holding hands.  

I pray that every time I hook my purse on his chair I will be  reminded to shift my burdens to the Lord and draw nearer to Him as well.