Rugged Beauty

One of the blessings in my life that gives me great joy is that we get to travel . . . a lot!  Especially for a family affected by disability.  

I grew up in New Jersey and when I moved to Denver to go to school my Dad told me that I was a western girl and would never move back east.  For many, many years I fulfilled his prediction, living in Colorado and California.  I would have been happy to stay out west, but then God and my hubby intervened and back east we moved.  I am grateful for our time in PA and have come to love our home, our community, our friends - our life here.  

Still, I have to say there is something in me that draws me westward . . . . as we flew last week I snapped these photos of the rugged beauty that calls to me.  Some may see dry barren land . . . the colors and beauty of the desolation call to me.

Sleep - the beauty of it all!

To say our summer (or if you want, even go back to spring!) has been a whirlwind and packed way too full would be a significant understatement.  This past Saturday evening we returned from a 10 day trip to southern CA.  We spent a few days with friends and then a week at the Joni and Friends International Disability Center.

From the time I got up Sunday late morning I was "off."  I can't really describe it other than to say I felt like a wreck.  Literally the only way I could keep from crying for several days was to bite my tongue!  I got piles of laundry washed and put away, grocery shopped to fill our fridge, paid our school tax bill (that alone was enough to make me cry - but that wasn't the reason!) and even went back to work on Tuesday though I told my co-workers that I was going to hole up in my office; something just wan't right.

I asked Jerry if this is what it felt like to experience a breakdown, but my processing seemed too rational for that to be the case.  Finally the light went on in my head - perhaps I need a little extra sleep (perhaps sleep deprivation kept me from realizing that earlier!).  Wednesday, after getting Jerry up and going I decided to lay back down, thinking maybe I'd sleep until 10:00.  When I rolled over and looked at the clock it was 2:30 pm!

As I got up I thought that I might be feeing a bit better.   I spent a whole 5 hours up that day, doing only minimal tasks before I just couldn't keep my eyes open and had to go back to sleep!  I won't tell you how much I slept this week (and honestly I don't think I've met my full quota yet, I am thankful for a low key long weekend!). But I longer feel like I am going to cry just at the thought that someone somewhere is wearing a hat that may drop!  I can even smile and interact again with people; and feel almost human again.

Why am I sharing this with you?  For these reasons:
1)  Sometimes sleep is the most spiritual thing one can do.  It's not always the answer, but too often I think I overlook it as the answer.  In this particular situation I didn't need to pray more, read more, exercise more, or eat better (though all good things to incorporate more of in my life!).  I needed to let my body rest, heal and be refreshed!  And from the encouragement of our chiropractor - I will try to continue to let my body tell me how much sleep it needs and not fight it with my to do lists.

2)  I am finite.  My superwoman cape is NOT at the cleaners - I do not have one, nor do I want one! It's ok to admit I can't do it all, and it's even better to stop trying to act like I can.  More often than not I need to remind myself that it's ok to stop.  God made my body to need rest.

3)  I may need you to help me remember from time to time that it's ok to say no and to take some down time.

Good Words to Rest On!

Caregiver, Caretaker of just plain Suitable?!

If you follow Jerry or me on Facebook. or in real life (what a concept!) you likely know we are in southern CA this week at the Joni and Friends Home Office.  We are here because as a ministry overall we are changing the software we use for our donor relations management.  I could wax eloquent about how excited we are (seriously!) for this change; but that's not my purpose tonight.

From our office only Jerry and Glenna (our Admin Asst) are required to be part of the training.  I came along to assist Jerry with his personal care needs.  For the most part I spend the hours they are in training in the lunch area of the Home Office and set up my own little office space and work on projects that have been waylaid. 

From my "corner office" vantage point I see many of the Home Office staff pass by throughout the day.  A large number of these coworkers are new faces and names to me.  I have tried to introduce myself to as many as possible.  Usually that introduction involves mentioning that I am here to assist Jerry.  

Today one of the new ladies I met sat down next to me and said, "so you said you are Peter's caregiver?"  I replied, "Well, I am here with Jerry, not Peter and I am his wife, his coworker in the ministry and also his personal care attendant."  

Her question got me to thinking about something I've pondered for years . . . am I a caregiver or a caretaker?  And what is the difference?  

According to Webster.com  a Caregiver is a person who provides direct care (as for children, elderly people, or the chronically ill) and a Caretaker is a person who takes care of buildings or land while the owner is not there OR a person who gives physical or emotional care to someone (such as a child, an old person, or someone who is sick).

So while the words are interchangeable to some degree as they reference my role with Jerry, here's how I see it (not that you asked, but you seem to still be reading along with me).

I am a caregiver to Jerry when I assist him with his personal needs, getting in and out of bed or his wheelchair, etc.  Most of the time I just see that as part of what it means to be the wife of Jerry. Sometimes when I've done something ornery (who, me??) we laugh and I remind Jerry that I am "suitable" for him, or just what God deemed he needed!  That's what the Bible says in Genesis 2:18-20  - that God made for man a companion suitable for him.  

So yes, I am a Caregiver,  But I am also a Care Taker, though not in the Webster.com definition noted above.  Sometimes I feel irked that people think it's all about what I do for Jerry.  Oh make no mistake, I TAKE a lot of CARE from him as well; usually more than I give.  

But that's the give and take of life . . . and it's not just disability related.  So which are you - a Caregiver or a Caretaker?  

Going Home Again

Years ago a friend told us he had reached the "Didn't Used to Be There" age.  That's what his kids labeled it after they grew tired of hearing him say, "Well, that didn't used to be there" as he drove around his home area.

Saturday I had the opportunity to go "home" due to the need to tend to some family business.  Though only an hour from where we live now, I don't get back to the area as often as I would like to see friends and family.  I try to appreciate each opportunity, no matter how brief.

Yes, I do experience the "I remember when" and "that didn't used to be there" thoughts as I drive around Mercer County.  Even more,  it seems that I am confronted with how I thought things used to be; only to see things in a different light, and not just like I remembered.

For example,  growing up I remember our yard (shared with my Grandmother who lived next door)  as HUGE (together it was about an acre), and always perceived our end of the street being the "nice end" (my apologies to any from the other end of the street who may trip across this!).  Now when I go "home" it seems that everything is so compact, and the other end of Diverty Road seems more together than "our end" sometimes.  The yard that seemed so immense is still nice, but not as enormous as my childhood memories make it.  The stretch of Reed Road that I would take to get to Diverty Road seemed much longer then, and I always felt like our street was almost highlighted in flashing lights (not really) because it was so amazing to turn on to it and be "home".  Now it almost seems easy to miss if I am not watching carefully.

As I drive Diverty Road I recall the kickball games we had, the time my shoe and foot got stuck in the Shaw's gutter; swimming at the Elliots, waiting for the bus with Eleanor, visiting Mrs Bakay, the snow ramps we built in our back yard, my Dad's huge garden, making home made ice cream each summer, picking apples from Grandmom's tree,  the swing that hung from the tree that is now gone., the playhouse Dad built . . and so much more.

Today, tomorrow, this month are  the "good ol' days" that we'll look back on sometime.  I wonder what it would be like to come back to Souderton, where I live now (and for the last 16 years) and see how my perceptions of now and then differ.

How I Spent My Day Off (an homage to kids who will soon be asked to write "What I did on my Summer Vacation!"

Not that you asked about my day, but since you are reading this perhaps you would be interested . . .

I had the day (mostly) off work today and it was packed full of errands.  Two of which involved taxing authorities . . .  yes the local tax authority thought they found a mistake in our 2011 return and asked us for more money.  We sent the letter today reminding them of the tax law and why we don't owe that money . . .  who do you think will be victorious?

I also got to stop by our local state representative's office and solicit their help to release our current state tax refund.  The dear Commonwealth of Pennsylvania asked us to resupply some information (that they clearly already had - but this was a good stall tactic on their part so they can keep earning interest off our money).  We supplied the requested information right away.  Every time I've checked  on the status on line I get the message, "We have received your documentation; please allow 8-10 weeks from today for a response."  That's smooth - any day we look at it the clock starts over with 8-10 weeks from "today" - not the day it was received.  Thankfully our representative has a phone number to a direct connect person at the Dept of Revenue.  She was told that yes they had received our information but it had not been sent for review yet.  Nice - so for 8 weeks it's been sitting there gathering dust.  The kind agent on the phone said she would send it in today for review with a note that the Representative's office will call back in a week for a status update.  Here's hopping we'll be 2 for 2 with both of these taxing situations!

Another part of my day involved taking Jerry's van into the shop for service on the lift and the air bag warning.  If you are not intimately familiar with life with disability you may not know that there are a limited number of shops who do this type of work, and we really are a "captive audience of consumers".  In years past we always purchased our vans and service from a location within our county.  We didn't like going there, but our options were limited.  Service calls ALWAYS involved a full day and sometimes the problem would still not  be fixed and bills were outrageous.  Sometime in the last 18 months we began to use a location of the same company that is in a different county and about 5 miles further away.  Every time we've visited this new location, our experience is completely opposite.  Today the repair was done in 40 minutes and we were only charged for 30 minutes of labor and $2 in parts.  Incredible!  When the tech came out and said he was done I commented, "I don't understand how you can be owned by the same company as the N____ location, yet there is a night and day difference in customer service."  He had no response.

As I was driving home and thinking about that, I got to thinking that's a lot like Christians and Churches.  We all have the same "owner/manager" - God!  Yet the way we interpret and live out what He has told us varies widely.  Please Lord God let me be more like the B_______ office in living and carrying out the instructions You've laid out for me.

A Blessing of Horseradish

The day after . . . . and another year of Family Retreat is now in the memory books (and my tired body!) and the hundreds of photos and videos floating around Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.  Three wonderful weeks, each very different, yet very full of HOPE OVERFLOWING!

I told Jerry that I wanted to go out for dinner tonight; to a place where someone took my order, delivered my food and then cleaned up after us.  So off we went to Outback.  After perusing the menu I decided that Prime Rib was what I wanted; and told the waiter that I definitely wanted the horseradish with it.  This is one of the ways in which it is clear that I am Bill Morris' daughter - Prime Rib is simply a vehicle for consuming horseradish.

Jerry and I enjoyed chatting and catching up (we really see each other very little at Family Retreat, and when we do we don't get to really talk much) as we ate our salad.  Then the waiter brought our main course.  As he set my plate before me he apologized that they had run out of horseradish - both the full strength and the sauce.  I politely told him that he could take the meal back then, I really didn't want it without horseradish.  He apologized and brought me the menu to make another choice and also mentioned the manager was going to stop by.

The manager apologized and asked what he could do to make it right.  I told him it was ok and I'd order something else.  He asked if I was willing to wait a few minutes while he ran across the street to the grocery store (if they were still open) to get horseradish.  We were surprised at this offer.  Shortly thereafter he came back and said that they had to go to 2 grocery stores, but they got horseradish for me!  The chef then cut us each a new piece of meat (Jerry's meal went back too so we could eat together) and brought it to me with fresh and very hot horseradish!

All week at Family Retreat we talk about doing whatever it takes to serve our families.  What a sweet blessing it was to have someone else do that for me at the restaurant.  Who knew that a restaurant manager and a jar of horseradish could be a hug from God!