As the Years Turn. . . Part 2

If you have been with me for a while, you know by now that one of my favorite phrases and things to do is to "ponder,"  to weigh in the mind, to think about, to reflect upon . . .   Imagine my surprise then as I was having some personal time of worship with God today -

singing some of the "old" hymns and I saw in a fresh light this line . . . "Ponder a new what the Almighty can do, if with His love He befriends thee."  (From Praise to the Lord, the Almighty written by Joachim Neander)

Well, I already know God has befriended me with His love, so that admonition to "Ponder Anew"sounds like a wonderful theme for my 2015.  

You see, I've known about God since birth, and been a personal friend of His since about age 12 when I accepted His gift of grace and forgiveness.  This rich heritage is indeed a blessing.  At times it is a challenge too.  I can read a passage of the Bible that I have read or heard so many times, I can quote it by heart and tell you the general gist of the meaning and application.  Yet sometimes it stops there - it is almost a rote knowledge that fails to penetrate the depths of my mind and heart.  

So in 2015 it is time for me to Ponder Anew . . .  what I read and hear from God.  To see it in a new light and apply it in a very real and personal way.  It is time to quit manipulating or glossing over or assume the truth I know and instead to start fresh and ponder each passage anew.

I had already been sensing that God was asking me to go deeper into prayer this new year.  As I spent some time today studying and reflecting on prayer (and yes - praying too!) it became very apparent that to go deeper in my prayer life means I also need to go deeper in uncovering and turning from sin.  Well that doesn't sound fun!  Yet I sense it is another place I need to ponder anew . . . 

I wrapped up my worship time with a favorite hymn (written by Kate B Wilkinson) that I think has such depth of application, it seems to be a good way to sum up the frame in which I want to structure my 2015.

May the mind of Christ my Savior live in me from day to day, 
By His love and power controlling all I do and and say.  

May the Word of God dwell rightly in my heart from hour to hour
So that all may see I triumph only through His power. 

May the peace of God my Father rule my life in everything, 
That I may be calm to comfort, sick and sorrowing.  

May the love of Jesus fill me as the waters fill the sea;
Him exalting, self abasing, this is victory.

May I run the race before me strong and brave to face the foe
Looking only unto Jesus, as I onward go.

May His beauty rest upon me as I seek the lost to win, 
And may they forget the channel, seeing only Him.

If you are not familiar with this hymn, "May the Mind of Christ my Savior" click here to hear it.  

Would love to hear about your ponderings . . . .

As the Years Turn . . . Part 1

As we walk into the week that rolls one year into the next a few thoughts from 2014 that fill my heart with gratitude.

• Home . . .  Over the last year as we made changes at home from sharing it with Mom to just the two of us we've been able to make many changes that make it feel even more "ours."  I so enjoy the blessing of this home (even after 15 years) , and even more the amazing husband I get to share it with, and the friends and family who are able to visit with us here.
• Jerry.  I know that's likely not a surprise to you reading this,
  
  but after his health scare in July, we both relish a little more each day together.  Jerry has always been a blessing to me, but it seems like over the recent months he is finding new and encouraging ways to be there for me.
• Challenges in our extended families.  No, I am not thankful directly for the hard times, but so very grateful for the opportunities to see God's grace at work and the sorting out of what is really important - being there for each other!
• A precious new little girl - Violet - who was born into our family this year.  Can't wait to meet her.  Glad my sister, her grand mom, is on her way to meet her right now.
• Reconnecting with Brandi, the daughter of our heart and seeing
  
  the fourteen years we were apart begin to melt away.  Oh how I love every phone call, Facebook message, text or visit we get to share. 
• Gaining new insights into God's word, heart and plan as I sit with Him. The sweetness of celebrating His birth this year while slogging through some very raw parts of life.
• Learning and experiencing more of urban life and how to translate disability ministry into urban lifestyle.  Actually I've enjoyed so many incredible relationships both in the city and suburbia with families affected by disability.  I love my job!

There are more memories and joys, and certainly times of questioning and wonder this year.  But these are the ones that jump out to me as I write tonight.  Oh - one more - this blog.  While it's been a thought for many years, 2014 saw it become a reality.  I enjoy the opportunity to share my thoughts this way and am so very grateful for YOU - who takes the time to read my ponderings and share your reflections whether here or on Facebook.  


I would love to hear what stands out in your memories and heart as you look back on 2014.  Look for my post about what I anticipate in 2015 a little later this week.  

Joy (Unspeakable Joy) to the World!

Joy to the world, the Lord is come!

That is by far my favorite Christmas carol; though I know some musicians say this was not written as a Christmas song, but rather about the second coming of Christ.  What joy it brought my heart to sing this song at church today.  

This was the first Sunday in five weeks that I have been able to go to church (due to illness).  I missed the corporate fellowship and teaching of being with the brothers and sisters in our local church.  After being out so long it really was a breath of fresh air to worship together!

Today was also the first time in many weeks that I had an almost normal voice back, which meant I could sing today!  I love to sing, especially to harmonize.  It is one of my favorite ways to worship God, and it is one of the ways He speaks most clearly to me.  Even though my range was somewhat limited, it was so refreshing to join my voice with others in praise of our God.  

After a week that was tough in so many ways, amidst a community that saw and experienced unspeakable sadness and pain and knowing some tough decisions await in these next few days, there is:
                    Joy, unspeakable joy
                    An overflowing well
                    No tongue can tell
                    Joy, unspeakable joy
                    It rises in my soul
                    Never lets me go!

Thank you Chris Tomlin for adding this bridge into the familiar carol, to waken my heart and soul to the age old truths!  If you'd like to hear the song click  here to listen.

Won't you lift your voice with me and proclaim the never ending reservoir of joy that comes in knowing the He rules the world!

Living on Purpose

We live in what some may consider an idyllic sleepy little town in the northern suburbs of Philadelphia.  In fact, I love sitting in "my chair" and looking at our large bay window as seasons change, neighbors amble by as they walk their dogs, and knowing that neighbors "had our back" when Jerry's wheelchair got stuck in the van, or the yard - always willing to help.  

Slowly, over the 16 years we've lived here that lovely picture has been nicked several times by a hard dose of reality.  Evil is everywhere . . . .

First there was a large drug bust on our street

Later we found a neighbor who passed away unexpectedly due to an asthma attack laying on the sidewalk; only to learn that his widow (after moving to another area) was jailed for life insurance fraud.

A few years ago there were tragic situations of people doing incomprehensible things to an elderly woman and a young girl (two different situations).  One being right across the street from our office.

Then this morning . . .  sitting again in "my chair" having my morning devotions when flashing lights catch my attention.  I look up to see a fire/police emergency person blocking the intersection in front of our house.  In very rapid succession police cars began arriving from surrounding municipalities - indicating that this was a "big deal."

Over the course of the day the story of what a "big deal" this incident is began to unfold.  It is not my intent, nor my desire to go over those details here - if you are so inclined you can easily find it on any internet search.   Instead some of my ponderings . . . .

1)  Since 9/11 Jerry has often said, "Live on Purpose."  Life is uncertain - none of us are guaranteed another breath.  Evil abounds, but the good news is (again as Jerry says), "I've read the end of the book - we win - and we win BIG!"  Oh how I long for that day when Jesus comes to take us to our eternal home.  Until that day I need to live every moment, every breath on purpose - knowing that if it were last moment that I would be ok with how it was spent, and knowing that what I do matters!

2)  It is tempting to say that once this gunman is apprehended we'll be safe.  What a lie that is friends.  We may be safe from that particular perpetrator, but he is not the only one.  This world is not a safe place and never will be outside of being shadowed underneath the wings of our Almighty Saviour.

3)  There are some things for which we may never have answers.  As much as I hate that, because I like to have control and put things in a sense of order, there is nothing I can do about it.  This is where trust comes in . . . and not an easy trust, but a deep gut wrenching trust.

4)  While this situation is the only thing that occupied most of my thoughts today - life still goes on elsewhere.  While I was sitting here watching movements of the SWAT team another friend's daughter was having major surgery, a friend's husband was having a heart ablation, some students were working through finals, babies were being born and elderly parents of two friends were being entered into their heavenly rest.

5)  Early on this morning I asked Jerry if I should plug in the Christmas tree as we sat and waited.  We both agreed yes we should - if there was ever a time we (meaning the two of us and our community at large who might see our tree lit through the windows) needed a tangible reminder of Emmanuel - God with us -  it was today!  What a blessed comfort and encouragement that is - GOD IS WITH US!!!!

6)  It's not about location.  It's funny that over the last couple of years when I've been working to expand our urban ministry into the city of Chester and NE Philly people often ask if we are concerned about safety going into these areas.  We have always replied that we are working with good partners with whom we feel safe. Isn't it interesting that we have never witnessed or been near any violence in the city (though we certainly are aware it happens!), but have been near to more crime here in our idyllic suburb.

7)  It's amazing how fast this body can run when it has to!  (I thought it was time to lighten this post up a bit) But it's true; Jerry was a witness!

8)  Jerry and I are incredibly blessed!  We have been amazed at how many phone calls, texts, facebook messages and emails we have received from people ALL DAY LONG from all over the country who heard the story on the news - or saw our garage in the photos circulated and wanted to be sure we were ok.  That spoke so loudly to us today.  If you are reading this you are likely one of those people who bless us and love us so very well.  Thank you!!!!

Giving the Gift of Time to a Child

This weekend I went to see a local dance studio's ballet performance of Frozen.  Why did I go?  For two reasons . . . .

1)  the adorable "Little Sven" was danced by my 8 year old neighbor Becca.  In fact, she is so versatile, that she was also a snowflake and a snowman.  And she did a stellar job in each role,  I might add!  

The playhouse my dad built for us
was one of the places we first performed
"shows" through  the window.

2)  I also went in homage and gratitude for the "other adults" who through all my school years attended concerts, plays, recitals, etc.  As I look back on my childhood I am amazed that every time I had a concert at school, or was in a choir performance at church I called Uncle Harry, Aunt Stella, Aunt Lois and Uncle Bert, sometimes Buzz and Gene (before they moved) and other assorted aunts, uncles and friends and they came!  Some of them did not have any kids, others did.  Of course as a youngster I didn't realize that the event I was inviting them to was not "THE" social and musical event of the season!

How grateful I am that they invested time and interest in me - and made me feel like they would not dare miss something that was important to me.  Having someone believe in you and invest in you, beyond those who gave birth to you, is perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can give to children - our own or someone else's.

Olivia and Becca working on a puppet show a couple
years ago.  

Dance on Becca . . . Max I look forward to seeing one of your karate demonstrations . . . Noah and Olivia - invite me to your concerts . . . Katelyn, Selah, Isaac, Violet and #5 on the way . . . I look forward to the day I'll be visiting when you are in a show!

How do you spell JOY?

I love JOY, but then - who wouldn't?  Joy - a feeling or emotion of great delight, pleasure or happiness.   I want to be joyful, not because my life is all rosy or without challenges, but because I know my life was ordained and is sustained by the source of true joy - Jesus Christ.  And this life is only temporary.  Living a life of joy does not mean that I always experience those feelings of delight; I do have bad days.  


A couple of years ago when I was going through a rough spell I was talking with someone who was challenging me to consider that maybe the reason I was feeling as I was had to do with my lack of self care.  I wasn't really happy to have anyone delve into this area. After all I am caregiver; at that time I was caring for my mom, my husband and what felt like half a world of other people! It's all about others, not me!  She asked me where I got that idea.  


I don't recall if I began singing or not, but at the very least I quoted the song we sang over and over in Sunday School as kids  . . . 

        Jesus and others and you, what a wonderful way to spell Joy

       Jesus and others and you
in the life of each girl and each boy


      "J" is for Jesus for He has first place,


    "O" is for others you meet face to face,

   "Y" is for you, in whatever you do

     Put yourself third and spell JOY.

I don't know how many times I sang this song as a kid - but it was many and burned the message that it's not about me into my head.  Well, actually that's not the message I took.  It is entirely true that life in NOT about me.  But this song, nor several of the Scripture verses I had twisted in my head, said that I was NOT to take care of myself; but that I wasn't to be self focused.  

I realized I had to change my visual of JOY.  I saw it as a very linear concept.  

As I pondered this idea more I realized a better depiction might look like this.  


With more pondering and reflection, a third image came to mind.  

What I like about this one is that it represents movement and change.  It starts with Jesus as the primary source of joy.  As He moves, the gears of "others" and "you (me)" are set in motion.  Both need to be attended to for joy to be real and complete.   I can't serve others if I have not taken care of myself.

I think this may be a healthier way for me to spell JOY - Jesus as the lead, and caring for myself so I can then care of others.  

How do you spell JOY????

Our First Thanksgiving

 In 1995 Thanksgiving was on November 23;  twelve days after we got married, and four days after we returned from our honeymoon.  We didn't accept any invitations, we just wanted to have our first Thanksgiving alone and together.

As I've done for every year of my adult life except maybe two, I got up early that day made the stuffing, prepped and cooked the turkey, the potatoes, vegetables, etc.   I set the table with our china (our first time to use it).  I helped Jerry get up and ready, and together we sat down to our first Thanksgiving together.  

Jerry led us in prayer and then we began to serve dinner. . .  and I began to cry . . . .

Remember we were married all of 12 days at this time and Jerry was a rookie at figuring out what tears meant (and usually thinking he was the cause).  Full of grace, concern and probably a good amount of trepidation he asked, "What's wrong?"  and through the tears I replied, "I don't feel well."

As we recall the details now I think I woke up not feeling well.  Perhaps I had a touch of a virus, but more likely exhaustion from the whirlwind weeks preceding.  But I didn't want to not cook Thanksgiving for my husband.  So I stuffed (Thanksgiving pun intended) my feelings down and cooked away.  Once I sat down to dinner I could hide it no more.  

So our first Thanksgiving was spent with me leaving the table and going to bed and Jerry enjoying (so he told me) the dinner totally alone.  Happy Thanksgiving to us!

I recall after he ate we discussed what to do now since there were lots of leftovers to put away, china dishes not to break and Jerry.  Ultimately we decided Jerry would call Janene, a then high schooler who was the daughter of good friends.  After she helped her Mom clean up their own dinner (I am sure) she graciously came over and put away our food and washed our dishes.  What a blessing she was (and not only because of that situation - but many others!).

Almost every Thanksgiving we reminisce about this story.  It particularly strikes home this year as I have an upper respiratory infection and finally had to agree to relinquish to my sister the idea of cooking and hosting dinner.  The festivities were moved to her house.  But don't feel sorry for me - we'll get a delivery of Thanksgiving dinner this afternoon.  This may be the best of both worlds - we get the meal with no prep or clean up required!

I told Jerry yesterday that if the trend continues that every 19 years I get sick at Thanksgiving we better mark the calendar to set up plan B for Thanksgiving 2033! 

November 2033
	Su	Mo	Tu	We	Th	Fr	Sa
	30	31	1	2	3	4	5
	6	7	8	9	10	11	12
	13	14	15	16	17	18	19
	20	21	22	23	24	25	26
	27	28	29	30

Happy Thanksgiving to all!  Enjoy your turkey and all your other favorites, but even more enjoy the people you are with and most of all the blessings that come direct from the hand of God!

What'd You Get Me?

Jerry and I have most of our "gift giving occasions" between October - December.  That is the timeframe of both of our birthdays, our anniversary and of course - Christmas.  The following post was written late in December several years ago, but the truth of it remains in my heart and mind  - especially as we are in this season.  I am still working on applying it's lesson, so decided to go with a retro post!

My husband and I have this game that we play around birthdays, Christmas or any other gift giving occasions.  It goes like this, “So what did you get me?”  Sometimes it’s said once in passing, sometimes it’s repeated over and over in rapid succession to try to wear the giver down to sharing some clue.  Yes, I know this sounds rather childish for two well into middle aged adults to engage in, but I think it’s one of the casualty’s of not having children – we sometimes have to play that role in the family ourselves.

Well anyway, there I was on the morning of December 23^rd having a delightful Quiet Time with my Lord.  I had finished my reading and my pondering, and in fact was just about to put down the pen after recording the last word in my journal for the day when I heard it . . .

“So what did you get me?” 

I paused and listened to the voice – but it wasn’t that of my husband.  It was my other beloved’s voice – Jesus!  As I tuned in on His voice I heard, “It’s my birthday soon you know, I’ve seen the gifts you’ve gotten for everyone else, what did you get for me?” 

When I shared this with my husband his response was “Isn’t that just like God to speak to us in our own game and language?”

So for the remainder of that day, and periods of the next several days I spent time pondering what I would give Jesus for his birthday – or , really the better question was – had I planned to give Him anything for his birthday?  If I hadn’t why not?  And if I was, it was getting late, so I better decide quickly. 

What do you get the Lord of the Universe, who has everything and can create anything else He thinks of?!

The only response I could think of was “to obey is better than sacrifice.”  I think what Jesus was asking for was more of me – all of me in fact.  To not spend time trying to figure out something new, or find a new way to give of myself to Him – but to “just do it!”  To give of myself and obey what He has already taught and shown me. 

Funny - a couple years later, I think this is still the gift He wants and I need to give!

So Much More than Chocolate!

What do I write when I feel like the experiences of late are just a little too sacred to write in detail about?  Yet I want to write . . .   I feel like I've had opportunity to see just a few of the threads in the weaving of my life.  (Click here to read the poem this statement referenced by Corrie ten Boom).    

There is a bit of irony in being here at the Hershey Lodge for a few days, which has as one of it's slogans, "The Sweetest Place on Earth."  Yes - there are many "sweet offerings" here but none that compare to the sweetness of reuniting with someone we had not seen in 14 years.  To share a hug that communicates more than words ever could.  To share a bit of our lives since that time and wonder and dream how we will grow together from here.  To see seeds sown through tears sprouting up with shoots of new healthy growth.  That is so very much sweeter than the richest and most decadent offering Hershey can make.  

There is sweetness too in not necessarily doing anything - but just walking or sitting with the man who knows and loves me so deeply that simply being together in front of the fire is enough.  This my friends is the definition of contentment!

Jerry learns from Milton Hershey on a previous trip.

In addition to the "sweet thoughts" that come with being in Hershey comes thoughts of Milton Hershey's life.  Here is man who never had any children, yet has impacted the lives of countless children and adults through his school, the medical center, the chocolate related enterprises, etc.  The school, while started for boys, is now coed.  This morning I heard a houseparent talk about how she grew up at the school and now lives and work there to show kids a model of marriage and family life.  Again, an interesting place to be when we reconnected with someone for whom we tried to be that type of role model.  

Thank you God for the many flavors of sweetness that flow so richly through our lives.  Open my eyes and heart to taste and see that You Are Good!  Psalm 34:8

Captured!

I was one of the millions of people who breathed a sigh of gratefulness and relief when I heard that the manhunt that had gone on for seven weeks just a little to the north of us came to a safe conclusion.  In part I was thankful because I have many friends who live in that area, and it is where our beloved Spruce Lake (our Family Retreat site) is located.

It wasn't long after that feeling of rejoicing that sadness and questioning came.  Within moments of the news of the capture posts were abounding on Facebook, Twitter, the news media, etc.  It got me thinking about all the time, energy and money (rightfully so) that went into this manhunt and made me think about how much time, energy and money do I put into seeking out those who are lost from God and need to be captured by His great love?  Or do I rejoice as quickly and as heartily when someone is captured by the lover of their soul - Jesus?

Caregiver Day of Pampering

Saturday, for the 10th year in a row on the first Saturday of November (actually 9 years in Nov; the first year was in December) I was at Calvary Church for our shared Caregiver Day of Pampering.  It's a day of laughter, hugs, joy and tears.

If you haven't heard me talk about this day before - where have you been?  But seriously, we invite women who provide care for a family member (usually a child or spouse) to come for a day of encouragement and refreshment.

The day starts with valet parking, and (on days it is not pouring rain, like Saturday was) a team of people vacuum their cars and clean the windows.  While that is being done the ladies enjoy a morning of "sweet" fellowship (coffee, treats, chocolate, music, games and a message).  The morning wraps up with door prizes being given out before they move on to lunch we serve.  After lunch they spend the afternoon at our "spa."  The 300 level of the church is turned into a spa with manicures, brow waxing, makeup artists, hair stylists, henna artist, massage therapists, foot massage, paraffin hand waxes and to top it all off - a boutique they can shop in use the "Grace Notes" they were given upon arrival.  When they are done in the spa the church opens the Care Closet to them to take 2 bags of clothing for their families and then they also get a gift upon departure along with a rose paid for by the men of Calvary Church and Joni and Friends who want them to know though their labor of love may often  go unnoticed they want to say thank you!

The amazing part is that they receive all of this for FREE!  I am so grateful for 170 plus volunteers who serve these 121 ladies!  Volunteers made and served food, set the room up, greeted and hosted the ladies, pampered them and so much more!  I LOVE to see how God burns this ministry into different hearts and the unique ways they serve.

One man thought the little mirrors we had at the hair and ma
keup station could be improved.  Over the last couple years he has made it his mission to buy (without asking for reimbursement) any and every mirror that is framed he can find that is about 3 feet wide by 4 feet high.  I think our count is up to 12 - he brings them in each year and cleans them before setting them up, and then at the end of the day takes them home to store them for the year.  Thank you God for Ken, King of the Mirrors!

Cathy heard a Caregiver  say once that she never got a chance to sit and read a magazine.  So now Cathy collects magazines throughout the year and the night before the ladies come places them around all the seating areas in the spa.

Christina, who we lovingly call our "hair brain" is a hair stylist and also the point person for all who serve in the hair area.  Christina takes this week off from work each year as vacation so she can have this Saturday off from the salon to serve these ladies.  THAT is dedication!

Emily and her team run our "boutique".  You would think you stepped into a trendy shop when you see the items they "sell".  Theirs is a year round mission to find "good deals" using any discounts and Kohls cash they can find and sharing the idea with those who can help fund the boutique.  The ladies swarm the boutique as soon as it opens!

And why do they and scores of others do this?  Because of these kinds of comments we hear:

• I will never forget this very special, wonderful day. I am forever grateful. I cried many tears of thanksgiving.

• Thank you so much for organizing such a wonderful event. I was overwhelmed by the kindness I was shown and all the caring volunteers. I am only a few years into my journey caring for a disabled person. And most days are pretty routine. But something that does affect us is the cost,  I rarely can afford a haircut or new clothes for myself, let alone all the other spa things that I received on Saturday. It was an incredible blessing to receive those things, and I am happily wearing my new scarf from the boutique at work today! God bless you and the work you do. I very much appreciate your time and effort.

For me what I enjoy most are the 1:1 interactions I get to have with the ladies.  I love seeing so many year, after year, after year.  They have become my friends and heroes.  This year we had many new ladies join us too.  What fun to meet them, hear their stories and begin journeying together with them.   Some of the stories I hear are fun, some bring me to laughter, some are sweet, and some are very raw and painful.  I don't have all the answers for these situations, in fact I have very few.  But the answer I do have is the BEST there is . . . we pamper these Caregivers as a small taste of the way the Ultimate Caregiver (thanks to Peter Rosenberger for this picture) cares for each of us - His wounded bride.