So Much More than Chocolate!

What do I write when I feel like the experiences of late are just a little too sacred to write in detail about?  Yet I want to write . . .   I feel like I've had opportunity to see just a few of the threads in the weaving of my life.  (Click here to read the poem this statement referenced by Corrie ten Boom).    

There is a bit of irony in being here at the Hershey Lodge for a few days, which has as one of it's slogans, "The Sweetest Place on Earth."  Yes - there are many "sweet offerings" here but none that compare to the sweetness of reuniting with someone we had not seen in 14 years.  To share a hug that communicates more than words ever could.  To share a bit of our lives since that time and wonder and dream how we will grow together from here.  To see seeds sown through tears sprouting up with shoots of new healthy growth.  That is so very much sweeter than the richest and most decadent offering Hershey can make.  

There is sweetness too in not necessarily doing anything - but just walking or sitting with the man who knows and loves me so deeply that simply being together in front of the fire is enough.  This my friends is the definition of contentment!

Jerry learns from Milton Hershey on a previous trip.

In addition to the "sweet thoughts" that come with being in Hershey comes thoughts of Milton Hershey's life.  Here is man who never had any children, yet has impacted the lives of countless children and adults through his school, the medical center, the chocolate related enterprises, etc.  The school, while started for boys, is now coed.  This morning I heard a houseparent talk about how she grew up at the school and now lives and work there to show kids a model of marriage and family life.  Again, an interesting place to be when we reconnected with someone for whom we tried to be that type of role model.  

Thank you God for the many flavors of sweetness that flow so richly through our lives.  Open my eyes and heart to taste and see that You Are Good!  Psalm 34:8

Captured!

I was one of the millions of people who breathed a sigh of gratefulness and relief when I heard that the manhunt that had gone on for seven weeks just a little to the north of us came to a safe conclusion.  In part I was thankful because I have many friends who live in that area, and it is where our beloved Spruce Lake (our Family Retreat site) is located.

It wasn't long after that feeling of rejoicing that sadness and questioning came.  Within moments of the news of the capture posts were abounding on Facebook, Twitter, the news media, etc.  It got me thinking about all the time, energy and money (rightfully so) that went into this manhunt and made me think about how much time, energy and money do I put into seeking out those who are lost from God and need to be captured by His great love?  Or do I rejoice as quickly and as heartily when someone is captured by the lover of their soul - Jesus?

Caregiver Day of Pampering

Saturday, for the 10th year in a row on the first Saturday of November (actually 9 years in Nov; the first year was in December) I was at Calvary Church for our shared Caregiver Day of Pampering.  It's a day of laughter, hugs, joy and tears.

If you haven't heard me talk about this day before - where have you been?  But seriously, we invite women who provide care for a family member (usually a child or spouse) to come for a day of encouragement and refreshment.

The day starts with valet parking, and (on days it is not pouring rain, like Saturday was) a team of people vacuum their cars and clean the windows.  While that is being done the ladies enjoy a morning of "sweet" fellowship (coffee, treats, chocolate, music, games and a message).  The morning wraps up with door prizes being given out before they move on to lunch we serve.  After lunch they spend the afternoon at our "spa."  The 300 level of the church is turned into a spa with manicures, brow waxing, makeup artists, hair stylists, henna artist, massage therapists, foot massage, paraffin hand waxes and to top it all off - a boutique they can shop in use the "Grace Notes" they were given upon arrival.  When they are done in the spa the church opens the Care Closet to them to take 2 bags of clothing for their families and then they also get a gift upon departure along with a rose paid for by the men of Calvary Church and Joni and Friends who want them to know though their labor of love may often  go unnoticed they want to say thank you!

The amazing part is that they receive all of this for FREE!  I am so grateful for 170 plus volunteers who serve these 121 ladies!  Volunteers made and served food, set the room up, greeted and hosted the ladies, pampered them and so much more!  I LOVE to see how God burns this ministry into different hearts and the unique ways they serve.

One man thought the little mirrors we had at the hair and ma
keup station could be improved.  Over the last couple years he has made it his mission to buy (without asking for reimbursement) any and every mirror that is framed he can find that is about 3 feet wide by 4 feet high.  I think our count is up to 12 - he brings them in each year and cleans them before setting them up, and then at the end of the day takes them home to store them for the year.  Thank you God for Ken, King of the Mirrors!

Cathy heard a Caregiver  say once that she never got a chance to sit and read a magazine.  So now Cathy collects magazines throughout the year and the night before the ladies come places them around all the seating areas in the spa.

Christina, who we lovingly call our "hair brain" is a hair stylist and also the point person for all who serve in the hair area.  Christina takes this week off from work each year as vacation so she can have this Saturday off from the salon to serve these ladies.  THAT is dedication!

Emily and her team run our "boutique".  You would think you stepped into a trendy shop when you see the items they "sell".  Theirs is a year round mission to find "good deals" using any discounts and Kohls cash they can find and sharing the idea with those who can help fund the boutique.  The ladies swarm the boutique as soon as it opens!

And why do they and scores of others do this?  Because of these kinds of comments we hear:

• I will never forget this very special, wonderful day. I am forever grateful. I cried many tears of thanksgiving.

• Thank you so much for organizing such a wonderful event. I was overwhelmed by the kindness I was shown and all the caring volunteers. I am only a few years into my journey caring for a disabled person. And most days are pretty routine. But something that does affect us is the cost,  I rarely can afford a haircut or new clothes for myself, let alone all the other spa things that I received on Saturday. It was an incredible blessing to receive those things, and I am happily wearing my new scarf from the boutique at work today! God bless you and the work you do. I very much appreciate your time and effort.

For me what I enjoy most are the 1:1 interactions I get to have with the ladies.  I love seeing so many year, after year, after year.  They have become my friends and heroes.  This year we had many new ladies join us too.  What fun to meet them, hear their stories and begin journeying together with them.   Some of the stories I hear are fun, some bring me to laughter, some are sweet, and some are very raw and painful.  I don't have all the answers for these situations, in fact I have very few.  But the answer I do have is the BEST there is . . . we pamper these Caregivers as a small taste of the way the Ultimate Caregiver (thanks to Peter Rosenberger for this picture) cares for each of us - His wounded bride.

We heard from our daughter today!

If you are reading this you probably know us well enough to know that we do not have a daughter.  Or at least we have never given birth to a daughter or legally adopted one.  But we have had a daughter of our heart for about 13 years now.

B only lived in our home for a short time.  I picked her up late one evening as emergency respite.  She was in respite already because she had lived through more (sorry, but there is no other word to describe it) "hell" than anyone should ever live through, let alone a young girl.

Bleeding Hearts - oh how we could relate!

During the weeks B was with us she went to school, went to church with us, wheelchair raced with Jerry, went to the park with us, and did stuff that "normal families" do.  In that period of time she entwined her hurting, damaged life deep into our hearts.  We shed more tears than we ever knew possible, and came to love her more deeply than we knew possible.

She left our home for treatment at an inpatient behavioral health facility.  B didn't know how to respond or interact with "normal."  We visited regularly; some days she would see us, some days not.  She celebrated her 13th birthday there and we visited with gifts.

While she was hospitalized we began building an additional room into our house so we would be able to bring her home for long term foster care with the goal of adoption. But that was not to be.   At this point I can't honestly remember the exact order of events, because she came and went from our home a few times over the period of a year or so.  While her physical presence left and we had to learn how to cope with that, B never left our hearts or prayers.

A couple times over the years we would get a random phone call from her (with every child who stayed with us for respite care we always tucked notes in their suitcase with our phone number letting them know that they could always call us - those kids needed to know SOMEBODY cared!).  Each call always began the same way as the email we received tonight, "I don't know if you remember me, but I lived with you for a time . . . "

I always want to respond, "Of course we remember you - you are the daughter of our heart!"  But I don't.

Tonight's email was particularly sweet.  B updated us on her life - we are proud of the good choices she is making, and the efforts she is taking to build her life.  Beyond that B apologized for her actions and anger when she was with us.  She shared that she has never forgotten us and asked about each of us (Nathan lived with us then too).  B also thanked us for all we did for her, acknowledging her birthday and other specifics.

What a precious gift that message was to us tonight.  We are just thrilled to hear from her and to know that despite her difficult start in life she is making some positive choices.  We are also encouraged and blessed to know that God used what little we had to share at that time in our life to make an impact in her life.

We don't know if B will maintain contact with us from this point forward or not.  But it's not about us.  We'll keep praying for her and as God and she give us opportunity we'll celebrate life with her . . .  perhaps even her 27th birthday next week?

Friends who are still reading this . . .  "Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,
    when it is in your power to act."  Proverb 3:27

And NEVER EVER give up hope or stop praying. We never know when or how God will use something - maybe even from long ago to help someone else.  Truly His ways are not our ways - Blessed be the name of the Lord!

Deny you Lord? Not Me!

I recently finished reading through the Gospel of Mark, but am still working through some of the insights I gained.  For instance, in reading the passages detailing Jesus' last days before He died I read again of Peter's denial, three times over, that he did not know Jesus.

As I read I ask the question - "What do you have for me in this God?"  The most obvious answer was - how would I respond if I were in Peter's shoes?  The quick and easy answer is, I would not deny Christ, He is my Lord and Savior.  But then again, that's what Peter said too when he was told that before the rooster crowed twice he would deny Jesus three times.

Moving beyond the quick and easy (at least to say) answer;  the question burrows a little deeper into my thoughts and soul - in my everyday life how do I deny my Lord?

• When I think "just this once" won't matter . . . I deny the His holiness in my life. 
• When I think He's so busy with everyone and everything else in the world I don't need to bother him with this need or concern - I can handle it; I deny His Lordship.  
• When I put my needs ahead of my others - I deny His example and admonition to follow it.
• When I ask "why Lord?" either for me or someone else I deny His sovereignty.
• When I think I accomplished something on my own I deny His power and deny Him the glory due only to Him.
• When I won't forgive or accept forgiveness offered to me I deny His gifts of forgiveness, mercy and grace.
• When I think or talk badly about myself to myself I deny His creativity - the way He knit me together (and at that point my should doesn't know it well!  See Psalm 139)
• When I care more about what someone may think of me than their relationship with Jesus I deny His saving grace,  power and pre-eminence.

These are just a few of the ways . . .  you don't need or want to her the litany of my sins, but I need to step back and go a little deeper than my first "easy" response.  Lord teach me more and more from your Word and heighten my responses to You!

Thoughts on the Eve

Here I am on the eve of starting a new year of life.  I used to say that I was born to be older.  I was never one who was bothered to approach or celebrate "milestone birthdays."  I thought it was great to turn 21, 30, 40, and even 50 was good.  Now that I am well into the 50's I find myself not anticipating "older" as much as I used to.  

Don't get me wrong, I do not have a wish to stop aging.  I am grateful for every day I wake up and have breath and strength to function.  In honor of this milestone I reach tomorrow, here are 5 1/2 lessons I've learned (or am still learning) in life:

1)  I am prone to say yes too often, and take on more than I realistically can accomplish and still stay sane.  "No" is an appropriate answer at times.  In fact, saying yes to something automatically means I am saying no to something else.  So I need to choose wisely.

2)  There really is pleasure in the "simple things" of life.  I found myself today just enjoying watching the birds play in our front yard and bushes.  Other sources of joy - changing color of leaves, the sound of rain, crashing waves, the smell of fresh cut grass, the variegated color of the mum sitting on my table and more . . . 

3)  It's ok to ask for help.  That's a significant part of healthy self care.  

4)   I am one blessed woman - to be part of my family of birth and my family by marriage, to do work that is in line with my passions, to have friends, to own a home that meets our needs, and most of all to be infinitely loved by God and to experience His love through my "Jr Shepherd" Jerry!

5)  Traveling adds a richness to life.  Meeting and seeing people from other communities and cultures (both in the US and around the world) brings a broader perspective and appreciation to life.  

5 1/2)  "Grace is a wonderful concept; I really hope it catches on some day."  This is 5 1/2 for two reasons - it's not my quote - it is one of Jerry's.  And this is a lesson I surely have not fully learned yet but am a work in progress.  

So there you have it - certainly not all the lessons I've learned, or need to learn - but the ones I am thinking of tonight.  Would love to hear some of your life lessons!

This Man

Yes, National Coffee Day was a great reason to celebrate on Monday, and then there's Columbus Day coming up, and the World Series, and all kinds of reasons we can find to celebrate - but today, yes today October 1 I have THE BEST reason of all to celebrate - it's the day Jerry Borton made his entry into this big beautiful world, ## years ago!  (I'll let him divulge the number, but let's just say he's past getting an AARP card, and is beginning to qualify for some age related discounts and can put his name into certain living facilities!)

While I realize I may be biased, I am convinced that God did some of His most exceptional work when He created Jerry!  I mean take a look at some of these pics over the years!

Jerry and I sometimes laugh about "the village" it took to raise him.  When we were engaged it seemed that every person I met told me how they had helped care for him at some point in his life.  I am SO THANKFUL for all those people who invested in this man's life and helped to develop him into the man he is today!  Most of all I am grateful as I hear the stories of his Mom, Dad, and siblings Karen and Eric (and the extended family) who both put up with and loved so well this boy who his mom described as "being born with a suitcase in his hand - ready to move on!").

Some of the stories I enjoy . . . 

• Jerry went to half day Kindergartner and passed to first grade.  On the opening day of first grade his Mom picked him up at lunch and brought him home.  When Jerry asked when he was going back to school his Mom told him "they" thought a full day may be too much so were going to try half days.  He suggested they try full days - Mom packed him up and took him back to school and Jerry has been a student and scholar, and ADVOCATE ever since!
• How he coached (from his wheelchair) the youngest little league team with the worst record and over a couple years took them to first place!
• Driving lessons - let's just say don't tell Jerry to turn here if you don't mean RIGHT here, not at the next road!



Don't let the powder blue
leisure suit or afro fool you!



Yes - he can grow the whiskers!

• Going to college in a MANUAL wheelchair at a college on one of the 7 hills in the city of Cincinnati - with the dorms at the bottom of the hill and the classrooms and dining hall at the top!

Oh dear, I am afraid once I get started it will be hard to stop  . . . . so allow me to fast forward to the present.  

Not only did he make a great catch here
but I made an even better catch in him!

Jerry and his first wife - oh wait, we were
already married; I guess this is the one
that doesn't talk back!

 Now if you know anything about Jerry you know he LOVES baseball.   And he will do almost anything to get a laugh!




Those are two of the many reasons I love Jerry, but here are a few more. . .

• he really loves and cares for his friends.  Sometimes when I feel slighted by someone and want to give up on them he asks "how many friends can you afford to loose?"
• he's a risk taker - after all he married me and moved to both coasts for and with me!  But even more he doesn't let the fact that something is hard stand in the way of accomplishing it.
• family is important to him.  He knows he doesn't stay connected with everyone as we would like (he is an introvert after all) but he prays for you all regularly and loves you.
• he invites feedback about his character or attitude and takes it seriously, aiming to keep growing and improving himself
• he has his priorities straight - even when he just arrived at work an hour ago he leaves to go to the grocery store to get me what I need (which is a big undertaking for him) when I am sick rather than ask someone else- because he wants to take care of me!
• he prays with and for me.  One of my favorite parts of marriage is storming the gates of heaven together.  
• he has amazing hands - I love them!                                           
  
• he helps me sort out the urgent from the important
• he surprises me time and again (in oh so many ways!!!)
• he embodies Jesus to me.  Jerry knows me for who I really am and he STILL loves me - Astounding!

For now . . .  Happy Birthday Jerry Lee Borton!  I look forward to celebrating today and every day God gives us together.  Thank you God for your excellent work in creating this man and for the wonderful family you placed him in to grow.  Thank you that you've entrusted me to walk these last 19 years (and please God many, many more) with him.