In-Laws

I had the blessing of having a mother-in-law and father-in-law who I loved and enjoyed; I only wish we'd have had more years together.  They and my parents raised their families in different ways, yet with great love and desiring their children to know the Lord.

I know that not everyone has the experience of good in-laws, but there is something I just don't understand.  Both in person and through social media, too often do I hear people speaking poorly of their in-laws and complaining about how difficult they are.  

Here's what I don't get about that . . . how can the people who birthed and raised the man or woman you loved so much that you couldn't live without them (thus you got married) be so awful?  Didn't they have to do something right to raise such an amazing son or daughter as your spouse is?  How can you capitalize on that and build your relationship with them on that perspective?

Happy Mother's Day to my second Mom Eleanor.  Thank you for loving and accepting me.  I hope if you and my mom are visiting in Heaven you aren't trading too many stories about me - ha!!!!


*********************************************************************************For those of you who have already voted for me in the writing contest- THANK YOU!!!  If you haven't, would you take a moment to help me? I have submitted an entry in a writing contest.  Readers get to vote for those who will make the "first cut".  Votes are accepted through May 31.  You can vote for as many entries as you choose, but only one vote will be counted for each entry. Here is the link:  Read and Vote here.      Would you take a minute to read and then vote for me?  Thanks so much!  If you would like to share this link on your Facebook, or other social media to help me get more votes I'd be grateful!

How Much Is Enough?

Today was the first of two days of reorganization of our garage and closets.  Well, let me be clear, the job will not be finished in 2 days, but I hope to have made significant headway.  So far I have multiple bags of clothing and household items to take to the next thrift store donation day.  I found some things I didn't even know I had and had bought new of.  That is a clear sign that it is time to downsize our "stuff."

This makes for some interesting sights around the house.  Like a counter full of dolls, some with missing appendages.  Cleaning them up in case any of the little people in our lies would like them.  By the way I am counting down the days till our newest great niece and her Momma come to visit us at the end of the month!

This day has really made me ponder the question of "how much is enough?"  How many sets of sheets, or extra blankets do we really need?  How often do we use the "good silver" that is tucked away in a felt lined box?  Our house is decorated, so for what purpose am I saving a box of extra frames?  (By the way were not hoarders, this is just the stuff of life that accumulates after so many years of life and combining households.

Please don't misunderstnad, there is nothing inherently wrong with any of those things.  But sometimes it's good to wrestle with the answer of how much is enough?  And if I have more than enough what do I do with the excess?  Then is there any change I need to make to keep from letting extra build up again?


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Dear reader of my blog - could you take a moment to help me?  I have submitted an entry in a writing contest.  Readers get to vote for those who will make the "first cut".  Votes are accepted through May 31.  You can vote for as many entries as you choose, but only one vote will be counted for each entry. Here is the link:  Read and Vote here.      Would you take a minute to read
and then vote for me?  Thanks so much!

Philadelphia Tragedy: A Call to Action

Generally I work hard to write about topics that I feel passionate about but are not controversial.  In fact Jerry has often referred to me as "Switzerland" because I can tend to see and support both sides of a story.  Oh, don't get me wrong - it is not that I am unopinionated but I generally choose to not go public with those thoughts.  Fair warning though, this post may indeed generate some controversy.

I am sure that by now most of you have heard or read the story of the 21 year old non verbal young man with cerebral palsy who was abandoned by his mother for more than a week along Cobbs Creek Parkway in Philadelphia while she went to her visit her boyfriend.  This young man laid in the park for multiple days with only a blanket and a Bible.

The mother, who has been arrested and is currently hospitalized (reason unknown), has been berated by all who hear the story.  I have to agree that this is a horrendous situation.  I am grateful that this young man lived and is now being cared for by CHOP and other family members.  There really is no excuse for what the Mom did.  It is wrong to endanger her son's life in this way.

Now don't flog me; while I completely disagree with the actions of the Mom and cannot condone them on any level, I have some compassion for the woman and some understanding of what she may have been up against.  

Family Retreat provides a respite for Caregivers

Caregiving is hard!  It's constant and continual.  I know, I've been doing it full time about a year less than this Mom.  And gratefully the person I care for is verbal and independent with all but his personal care.  He also has attendant care that spells me off a few days a week.  Even so, caregiving is exhausting and relentless.  

Family Retreat gives Caregivers a break

While some may say she should have sought services to help, we are all aware of how difficult it is to get services through the social service agencies and governmental avenues.  If there is funding available the wait can very long, and often appropriate caregiving support is difficult to locate.  Again, this does not excuse what this Mom did.  Honestly what this story tells me is that I am in the right line of work!

The answer to the challenges of life with disability and caregiving is NOT more money or better services (though they may help).  The answer is Jesus Christ and His family.  The only hope we have is the hope that is greater than anything in this world, and carries us into eternity because life on this earth is not all there is .  While we are still in this world though, the answer includes those of us who call ourselves the Church (not any individual location, building or gathering but rather those who claim Jesus as Lord of life and want to live for Him) taking seriously the call Christ gives us to care for one another, to love one another and bear one another's burdens.  

This story reminds me that it's time for the Church to step it up.  I wonder if this story would have had a different ending if some people in the community who are Christians would have come along side this Mom and been there to encourage her, help care for her son and let her know there is a better way than abandonment?  

Again, I don't know that for sure - there are so many factors involved in every family and life.  But this story gives me a renewed sense of passion to go to work tomorrow and build the passion, capacity and burden within the Christian community to come alongside families affected by disability so this type of thing never ever happens again!

Moms Club is a safe place for
moms to share and find support

Wives share a break in Caregiving over tea

The Burden of my Purse

My purse . . . yes it's big, and usually heavy.  I think it comes from years of managing group homes and carrying "everything for everybody" when we traveled; or maybe that is just a convenient excuse.  Regardless, it is often a point of conversation with people I meet (especially my massage therapist and chiropractor - ha!).  And frankly, I get tired of carrying it.  So when I am out with Jerry I usually ask if I can put my purse on the back of his chair for him to carry.  And typically he responds with "as long as it matches my outfit!"

Besides giving my shoulder a bit of relief, it also makes it easier for Jerry and I to hold hands when we walk.  (Yes we are coming up on our 20th anniversary and still holding hands!)  You see, his right hand is on his wheelchair controls so only his left hand is available to hold while walking.  I typically carry my purse on my right shoulder, which then means it is banging into his arm, or sliding off mine while walking and hand holding. 

Now I am not asking for sympathy.  I share that with you to show you how God used that as a very practical spiritual application in my life recently.  

I was reading in Psalm 68.  Verse 19 says, "Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior who daily bears our burdens."  The devotional writer expounded on this by talking about how sometimes we let our burdens pile up and block our access to God.  She reminded how God WANTS to bear our burdens, and in exchange offers us mercy.  When I cast my burdens on God I draw closer to Him.  

I asked God to help me grasp this in such a way that I would not forget this lesson.  That's when He reminded me of the purse and walking with Jerry.  Whether it matches his outfit or not, Jerry is always willing to carry my purse for me.  He doesn't even realize that he is carrying any extra weight - it's not a big deal to him.  I am the one who benefits.  I am freed from the burden of a heavy awkward purse, and I get to draw closer to my husband, and connect with him again by holding hands.  

I pray that every time I hook my purse on his chair I will be  reminded to shift my burdens to the Lord and draw nearer to Him as well.

It's All About the Eggs (Not!)

Yesterday was our (Joni and Friends Greater Philadelphia and Rockhill Mennonite Church) Easter Egg Hunt.  If not the slowest Easter Egg Hunt in history, it has to be in the top 10.  I absolutely LOVE this day.

I think it was about 10 or 12 years ago when one of our friends came to us and said that her kids with disabilities couldn't participate in the typical community easter egg hints with their older sisters because the kids just moved too fast, and it was more frustrating than fun.  She asked if we could do something different.  I had just read about a group in Texas that did a special needs Easter Egg Hunt.  So I contacted them and asked the mom to ask her church if they would like to partner with us on the is venture and they did - and the first Easter Egg Hunt for kids with disabilities (at least in our area) began.

I think that first year we had about 10 kids and 5 volunteers and probably put out about 100 eggs.  We had vehicles parked around the church parking lot with eggs on running boards, fenders, etc. so kids could reach them.  I remember one young man brought his grabbers to reach the eggs and shared it with others too.  What a difference - working together and helping each other get eggs rather than running the slow people over and rushing to get as many eggs as possible!

Over the years the hunt grew, and we outgrew the church.  Some of my favorite memories from those early years:

• the two families who met for the first time and realized they had no family or plans for the next day - Easter.  They joined forces, shared Easter Day and dinner together and became fast friends from that day forward.
• the boy scouts who helped (always motivated by a case of Yoohoo!) and if kids couldn't pick up eggs the scouts would, or would even go around with "extra eggs" and deliver to those who couldn't get to any eggs on their own!
• the family who pulled in just about the time we were wrapping up.  It was their first year coming, and the variables of their two children with autism made it difficult to get out of the house on time.  They were so sad that they arrived too late.  As a couple of us talked with them at the car others went downstairs in the churn and put together two baskets from "extras" found and delivered them through the car windows.  That was our one and only "drive through" easter egg hunt.  

Yesterday we had about 75-80 families, and about 250 people all told.  The event now runs about 2 hours.  Knowing the challenges of families with disability getting places "on time" the first hour is filled with visits with the Easter Bunny, carnival type games, face painting, swings, ball pits, parachutes, etc.  There's always a quiet room for those who can't deal with all the stimulation.  Families come in as they are able to get there.    We then move to the auditorium so "the Easter Bunny can clean up and hide the eggs!" and have a period of entertainment with a purpose (yesterday it was magician Troydini; other years we've done music, stories, puppet shows, etc.).  We give away a few door prizes and then release the anxious kids (of ALL ages) to get their eggs.  

First the kids with mobility needs go first - then once they are on their way the others are dismissed.  Talking about eggs being "hidden" is not really accurate.  We put out about 5000 eggs (filled by scores of volunteers!) in plain sight (leaving wheelchair pathways) at a variety of heights.  Some may be a little harder to find and get - but no one leaves without an abundance of treats and toys.  

Some of my favorite memories from recent years:

• the many new families we are getting to meet since we moved to a larger venue
• the abundance of volunteers - both wanting to donate candy, fill eggs and help that day
• the way parents enjoy their time there - not just watching their kids, but connecting with other families, and encouraging one another
• the mom who drove nearly 3 hours with her 3 sons on the autism spectrum because it was closest Easter Egg Hunt she could find in which her kids could participate 
• the smiles - that go from ear to ear on kids as they hug the Easter Bunny, or get their face painted
• the family who came this year, but couldn't stay the entire time, but said it was ok because grandmom just wanted her daughter to see she didn't have to walk this road alone, that there is community within disability.  

Really my favorite part - the reality and picture of what Easter is really about . . . we come with nothing (empty bags, baskets and lives) to the One who gave His very life for us in an act of forgiveness and rose again so we could live redeemed lives full of abundance and blessing because of Jesus' free gift to us!

On grace and mercy with a little bit of justice and humility!

My mind has been tossing around the age old question of which came first - not in regards to the chicken or the egg; but rather in terms of grace and mercy and how they interface.

Grace is something I hear and talk about often.  In fact, in our home two statements often heard are,"Grace, it's a wonderful concept - I really hope it catches on some day!" The other is posted on our wall.

Grace is certainly a good thing to make part of our life.  After all who does not want to receive something we don't deserve (in a good way)?   That is what grace is - extending to others, and even ourselves, forgiveness, love, kindness, hope, a helping hand, etc. that is not deserved. 

I've been the recipient of grace when I snap at someone trying to help me on the phone, yet the person on the other end still interacts with me in a kind and gentle manner.  I've experienced grace often from my husband when I gripe and complain and he listens and replies to what I really need, not what I just dumped on him!   Grace is bestowed upon me by the person with whom  I am very delayed in responding to their email or call, or I arrive late for a meeting and they make time for me as if nothing ever stood in the way.

Recently Micah 6:8 has been showing up in my life over and over again.  "He has shown you o man what it good, and what does the Lord require of you?  To act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

I know this is not the only passage where God tells us what He expects of us.  But  I've found it curious that in this verse we aren't told to love and seek grace, but mercy.  

Mercy- sort of an opposite, yet complimentary act to grace.  Mercy is not getting what we deserve.  Examples in my life of mercy . . .  well first and foremost is the mercy I receive from God - that He does not make me pay the ultimate penalty (death) for my sin, but forgives me through the gift of His Son (that's the grace part).    On a human level, mercy abounds toward me when I exceed the speed limit, or turn right on red when the sign says it is not allowed and I do not receive a citation.

So I've been wrestling with the thought - if God tells us to love mercy, why is that in the Christian community I hear way more messages and thoughts about grace than I do about mercy?  

So far I've come up with a couple of possible answers:

1)  Grace seems easier  to talk about and perhaps even to extend.  We want to be on the receiving end of good, and we may even feel better about ourselves when we get blessings that we do not deserve.  

2)  Grace may be a bit easier to extend than mercy.  We want people to think of us as gracious giving people.  To extend mercy it is often more about our own heart attitude, and not what we do for others to see.  We have to be willing to forgive, forget or move forward to not unload on someone what (we think) they deserve.  Mercy means we let go and trust God.  

Could it be that if we really lived out Micah 6:8 by acting justly, loving mercy and walking humbly with God that we would automatically live lives both filled and overflowing with grace, not to mention the fruits of the spirit?

What do you think?  I know my ponderings may need some tweaking - I'd love to hear your thoughts.  What is easier for you to practice or to receive - grace or mercy?  How can we encourage each other to live out Micah 6:8?

Reflections on Disability and Vegas Part 2

Note:  If you have not yet read part 1 of this post, you can read it here.

In my last post I shared a couple of my ponderings about the Global Access Conference we attended last week.  There is so much more that I could say about that, but maybe another day.  For now I want to reflect a bit on our departure.  

We certainly enjoyed the warmth and sunshine of being near LA.  But alas, Saturday we needed to head home.  We had purposely booked a bit later flight out of LA because it transferred through Las Vegas, and we thought we'd have a better likelihood of making the connection in winter than transferring through Denver or Chicago.  

That theory worked until the one storm of the winter that was predicted to hit Philadelphia, really did hit - the afternoon and evening we were to land.  While still in LA we learned that our flight from Las Vegas to Philly had been cancelled.

As we talked with the airline agent who looked up many options for us to travel to other eastern locations from where we could drive home, there were just no available flights until Tuesday (and that was Saturday!).  We had to make a quick decision whether to stay those three days in LA or take our first leg of the trip to Las Vegas and stay there.  Since we had just turned in our rental vehicles, and really weren't keen on staying in LA the weekend of the Academy Awards - we opted for Las Vegas (where we also thought we could get more reasonably priced lodging and meals).  

While at the airport and in the air we began searching for lodging options and found rooms at a casino that was not right in the middle of everything.  So here we are.  
A team of 7 who just left this amazing impactful Global Access conference now trying to adjust our heads to the idea that we weren't going to be home and back to work, school and our churches for several days, and trying to figure out what God had for us here. 

Our thoughts ranged from who are we to minister to here, to maybe we just need this time to rest, soak up some sun and refortify for the week ahead at home (which for each of us is overpacked!).  We recalled that Nick, one of the Global Access speakers encouraged us to "widen our footprint" as ministers of the Gospel.  Is this why You brought us to "Sin City" God?

We've done a lot of resting, debriefing, walking, and praying here.  The first night as we were considering what to do for church on Sunday Jerry noticed that Nick, the speaker referenced above would be here in Las Vegas next weekend.  One thing we could do (and have done) is pray for fertile soil for Nick's message.  

The most persistent thought as we all observe, ponder and chat is "we don't belong here."  If you are one who enjoys vacationing or visiting in in Vegas please know this is not a judgment on you, but simply our observations.  

• Coming from Global Access - characterized by genuine love and acceptance of everyone and filled with the glory of our God to a place where physical beauty and strength is idolized, sold and equated with love feels so very sad and dark.
• We feel compelled to pray for the people of this city - that they will come to know and understand where their value and worth comes from - their Creator!
• We pray for the pastors, missionaries and churches who are serving here.
• We see children - even babies - here with parents.  Yes there are laws that say only those over age 21 can enter the casino, but trust me they are here.  How can you bring a sleeping child in to a smoke filled dark room full of overstimulating noise and colors?

We have had many wonderful conversations among ourselves and in our worship time together.  Hopefully we'll remember some of these lessons when we still get home.

I am a child of the King, but not this Kingdom!

1)  I haven't really done  good job unpacking and organizing our room and am having a hard time finding things.  I think it's because I realize this location is not where I belong and is not home.  In reality my true home and where I belong is not in Souderton either.  I am a citizen of the Kingdom of God, and my heart yearns for my heavenly home.

2)  Though the sin seems so much more obvious here, the reality is that sin is sin.  There are people in our region of PA that need to know Jesus and His love and purpose for them there as much as here.  

3)  Sunday morning we did church together.  We read Psalm 46 about being still and knowing He is God.  Candy pointed out that in The Message it reads, "Step out of the traffic."  As we looked out the window we could see both car traffic on the roads and people traffic all over.  Yet in the midst of all that "traffic" we together have been able to step out and commune with our God.  

4)  One of the sessions I attended at Global Access was about people with mental illness.  The speaker drew analogies from the way Las Vegas has treated people with mental illness in the past (often called bus therapy - people sent on a bus with no help at the end of the route) to how some churches interact with those with mental health issues.  I've been pondering that a lot.  I've also been thinking of the phrase "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."  As I think about serving people with mental illness and other disabilities I pray the church does not follow the Las Vegas model - let's engage with people even when it's difficult, let's not keep what happens in the church only for those who look and fit in - it's for those outside the doors; and lastly - let's not be anonymous, just aimlessly moving around for personal pleasure.  The days are short - time to get to know people for who they are and invite them to the Kingdom of God!

Lord willing, we will all head home tomorrow.  Please Lord Jesus, help me to remember these lessons you've taught me here.